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Ever seen Ocean's Eleven? They were experienced. Here's exactly how I imagine an ATM caper could be pulled off best by retirees.
There are very specific conditions necessary for the primal of forces, the trough urinal bond, to take hold. Men, take note before unzipping.
Once again, it's time to submit entries to the 31st annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Writing contest! This year I'm hoping to be judged insufficient enough to take top prize.
I am one of the sometimes disillusioned yet endlessly friendly 911 dispatchers, and I am here to share some highlights of the people wasting your tax dollars.
In a long-awaited announcement, Mark Zuckerberg has finally introduced the dislike button. Here's how this dangerous move will cost us everything we loved.
The fact is there's only room for one lazy prick in each lady's household. So, once you've made the decision that a man can ignore you in ways a cat just can't...
Hey, now, that's the call now, get your mask on, it's gas. Hey, now, you're a Prussian, don’t go blind now, go fast. It's just chlorine and bleach.
The rapidly-swirling vortex of alcohol intensifies as a large mass of Corona streams in from the southwest, touching off tens of banana daiquiris in its deadly wake.
What if going to the doctor was like getting your car washed? You drive in and latch your tires on those rails and the conveyor pulls you into that tunnel.
I've come here to talk about a small bird that flew into my car. He seemed nice at first, and I even thought he was kind of handsome, but then all hell broke loose.
I'm in love with you Martha, and I know that must be hard to hear, even though I'm projecting my omnipotent voice clearly into your subconscious.
Some of these cosplays are "sexy," some of them are damned impressive, but all of them are just cool to me. And that's what makes this list important.