501-1000 likes: Your package will be delivered by dedicated Piper Cub and guarded en route by a contingent of off-duty Allstate Security agents.
#15: A renewable source of shitty Target sweaters through the year 3035. #18: Stopper for a Jiffy Lube grease pit.
A great place to stay on those days when you're in a bad mood and just "wanna kill everybody on the whole fucking planet."
The new NYC system utilizes colors corresponding to varying degrees of air pollution emergencies, each color representing the air smell of the day.
As part of white collar drug treatment program, baristas serve liquid methadone lattes on G train. Every other Thursday, system-wide Backwards Day.
The suspense is palpable as Kim Jong-un clings to a precarious lead, facing challenges from surprise sensation Deez Shrimp, and Elizabeth Warren.
"Why, back in my day, we had to walk 50 miles through the snow just to get gruel and hardtack. Got any medical appliances?"
Italy: "I just called Comcast and asked if there's an extra charge for Rome-ing? ...Hello? What are you? An audience or a Michelangelo painting?"
USA Today headlines: "15 Signs Your Roommate is Sleeping with a Manatee" and "Secret Lives of Sand Fleas in Trump's Hair."
Just when the Facebook notifications about all your friends laying eggs finally slow to a trickle, here come the fucking baby pics of gelatinous larvae.
My tuxedo-clad sperm steward Rene greeted me in French and explained, “All of our top grade sperme de France is aged to perfection."
Eight planets and the actual forms of reproduction by their inhabitants, verified as authentic by Scientology Monthly and USA Today.