Are you sick of giving your mom the same macaroni necklace for Mother’s Day every year? Then step it up and make her breakfast in bed! A lot of kids think you have to be an adult to cook, but as a kid who’s cooked before, I know that’s not true. Here is my foolproof Mother’s Day breakfast menu that any kid can cook and any mom will definitely love.

Amuse-bouche: Some Berries

Moms really like fruit, so start breakfast with some bite-sized hors d'oeuvres. Find a strawberry container in the back of the fridge and pick out the good ones. If they have fuzz on them, wipe the fuzz off with your shirt or spray them with Lysol. Arrange the berries on a plate in a happy face.

Appetizer: Meat Yogurt

What's the one thing moms love more than fruit? Duh, it's yogurt! For her first course, gather up all the yogurt in your house (don't forget to check the basement fridge) and stir it all together in the biggest bowl you can find. Don’t worry about mixing flavors because all delicious things taste good together. It’s okay if you lose some of the yogurt lids in the bowl because they add texture to the dish. To finish, top the mixture with one of Mom's other favorite foods: salami. She won't even need a spoon because the bowl is big enough to put her head in!

Main Course: Cheesy Egg Juice

For the main course, you'll need to learn how to turn on the stove. You probably have to push down on the knobs and turn them to the right like the pill bottles my mom hides in her closet. Once the fire is going, put a pan on it and smash two eggs into the pan. Keep the shells on because Mommy always says, “ a little eggshell never killed anyone.” Once the eggs are cooking, try grating some cheese into the pan. If it's too hard to hold the grater and the cheese in your hands, just put the whole block of cheese in the pan and wait for it to melt. After twenty minutes, your cheesy egg juice is ready! Since it will be a little runnier than normal eggs, put it in a mug and add one of those little umbrellas that moms like to put in their special drinks on vacation.

Side #1: Frozen Toast

While you’re making your cheesy egg juice, open the freezer and take out the bread mommies keep in there for when they have a bad day at work. Turn the dial on the toaster to the setting your mom likes, put the bread in the slots and press down. If the bread doesn’t stay down, that’s because the toaster is not plugged in (which I learned last Mother’s Day). Since you probably aren’t tall enough to reach the outlet, just take the frozen bread out of the toaster and butter it. The butter won’t spread because the bread is cold and also the butter is cold, but that’s okay. Just put the whole stick of butter in between the two pieces of toast. Your mom will be so happy you made her breakfast, she won’t even notice.

Side #2: Stomped Applesauce

If you really want to impress your mom, you can make a homemade compote for her toast. I like to use the fallen apples from the tree in our backyard because then I can say hi to the squirrels, but you can use any fruit you find on the ground. Bring the fruit inside and put it in the microwave for ten minutes. When you hear banging, it’s done. Put the hot fruit in a bucket on the floor, roll up your pants and stomp on it with your feet. This is a trick I stole from a TV show about wine, but it works great for applesauce too. If you have heavy shoes, that’s even better. My dad is a sanitation worker, so I use his boots. When the fruit is totally smashed, dump the bucket into a flower vase and add a little spoon.

Dessert: Purse Candies

Most likely, there won’t be time for dessert because you left the stove on and everybody had to evacuate the house and the firemen are there again. Instead, offer your mom one of the yummy candies she keeps in her purse. But if her purse is inside, don’t go get it because that is how grandma died.

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