Norse Mythology for Bostonians: A Transcription of the Impudent Edda is a new book that just came out on January 29, 2020.

More information about the book and copies for sale may be found here.

Told in the charmingly quaint dialect of a foul-mouthed Bostonian, the volume includes new mythological episodes such as Thor’s attempt to renew his driver’s license and Odin’s mysterious journey to Boston Common as well as traditional stories such as Odin’s acquisition of the mead of poetry and the theft of Idunn’s apples of youth. Additionally, substantial historical and contextual background information about the myths and their milieu is provided throughout. An exclusive excerpt highlighting the most prominent figures in the cast of characters follows below.

Cast of Characters

Aegir: An ambiguously divine being, Aegir has been named as a giant but is often regarded as a god. He is the ruler of the seas, a magnificent host of wild underwater parties, and a mighty brewer of excellent craft beer.

Belichick: Known as Hermod in earlier sources, little is known of Belichick’s personality other than that he is very bold, a great strategical thinker, and a bastard son of Odin.

Brady: Known as Balder and nicknamed the White or the Beautiful in earlier sources, Brady is the most attractive of the gods, as well as the most popular ever since he started playing quarterback for the New England Patriots. Brady is the one legitimate son of Odin and Frigg and is married to Gisele.

Charlie: Another ambiguously divine being of unknown heritage, Charlie’s lot is to ride forever on the T beneath the streets of Boston.

Fenrir: Also known as Fenris or the Fenriswolf, Fenrir is the demonic talking wolf fathered by Loki and one of three children born of his shameful relationship with the evil-spirited giantess, Angrboda. Fenrir is fated to eat Odin alive when the world ends.

Frey: Twin brother of Freyja, Frey is the chief god of the weather and fertility, which is somewhat ironic since he has no children of his own. His most distinct feature is his enormous penis, which is almost always erect.

Freyja: As with her twin brother Frey, Freyja is also associated with fertility and is generally considered to be the most sexually desirable of all the goddesses. In addition to suffering a bad habit of selling her body to dwarves for jewelry, she is also known for being somewhat death-obsessed, because, like Odin, she also rules over a portion of the fallen warriors who die on the battlefield.

Frigg: Considered to be particularly splendid in numerous ways, Frigg is foremost among the goddesses. Wife to Odin and mother to Brady, Frigg nonetheless lives apart in her own home in the fens, Fensalir, because no one can tolerate living with Odin 24/7, not even an all-powerful goddess.

Gisele: Known as Nanna in earlier sources, little is known about Gisele other than that she stems from German Brazilian heritage and that she previously made a living stunning onlookers with her amazing physique as she walked up and down the runway. She is also married to all-star quarterback/golden god Brady.

Goodell: Known as Surt in earlier sources, Goodell has traditionally been regarded as a menacing and spiteful fire giant hell-bent on destroying the world, as well as being the number one enemy of Patriot Nation.

Hel: The demon woman of the underworld, Hel is one of Loki’s three hateful children from his deviant sexual relations with the giantess, Angrboda.

Jörmundgandr: The Middle-Earth serpent and mortal enemy of Thor, Jörmundgandr lies at the bottom of the ocean, encircling the world and biting upon his own tail. He is one of the three monstrous children of Loki and Angrboda and is fated to kill Thor when the world ends by sneezing poison upon him.

Loki: The trickster god and general all-around trouble-maker. Father of the world’s most fearsome monsters, Loki was also once impregnated by a horse.

Odin: The top dog of all the gods. Odin is married to Frigg, with whom he fathered Brady. As a manipulative and unfaithful husband, Odin has also fathered many other bastard sons. One-eyed, wise, war-mongering, and grim, Odin has a penchant for poetry and enjoys instigating conflicts and wandering Middle-Earth disguised as a hobo. A pair of gossiping ravens keep him company upon his throne, Hlidskjalf, from whence he watches over all the world with his all-seeing eye. In the evenings he entertains his army of undead Viking warriors in Valhalla with eternal battle, roast pork, and mead that flows freely from the magical udders of a divine goat.

Thor: Son of Odin and Mother Earth, Thor is the strongest of all the gods. Boisterous and red-headed with a bushy beard, Thor can outdrink any other god and is proud of it. He routinely defends Asgard, the home of the gods, from the hostilities of giants and trolls with his mighty hammer, Mjölnir. Thor also enjoys journeying among the 9 Worlds, particularly with Loki for no apparent reason, and his hot temper and simple-mindedness often land him in embarrassing situations, like the time when a feeble elderly lady beat him at a wrestling match.

Tyr: The bravest and most fearless of the gods, Tyr is a one-handed bachelor who prefers battle to diplomacy. The son of hostile giants, it remains unclear how Tyr became an ally and well-respected member of the gods with such disastrous lineage.

Wally the Green: A bastard son of Thor, Wally the Green spends most of his existence being struck with baseballs near Frigg’s home in the fens.