Imaginary Blurbs on the Cover of My 4th Grade Book Report
“Absolutely gripping—by the time you reach the end, you’ll have no doubt that the main theme in Charlotte’s Web is friendship.”
Tag: Books
Pop from “Hop on Pop” Visits the Emergency Room
Sorry, say that again? Your boys were doing what? They were “hopping” on you?
A Quick Note About My Book Deal
I blew my advance on a fully-loaded Bugatti Veyron Linea Viviere (MSRP $2.3 million), as well as a series of bespoke leather shirts.
Weddings Vows from Me, a Spelling Bee Champion, to You, My Former Spelling Bee Opponent
Even if the world was ending, I’d be pococurante, like I was in the third round of the Dayton County Regional Bee when my word was "pococurante."
A Dating Profile of a Gothic Novel’s Love Interest
Children: No! Ok, I do have one ward. Just the one! She's not my actual child, it’s just… It's complicated.
It’s Very Postmodern
Some people might ask, how long after modernism is it? A few hours? A few days?
If Classic Literature Had Ad Breaks
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte – "Reader, I married him. It appears Hinge was the dating app intended to be destroyed."
I’m Victor Frankenstein, and I’m Pretty Sure I’m Nailing This Humanoid Reanimation Project
I'm advancing science entire centuries without bumping into any serious questions of morality and ethics. How unbelievable is that?
Yes, I Am Writing This in a Moleskin Notebook, Thanks for Noticing
Oh, how literary I look! Scribbling furiously in my leather-bound Moleskine notebook with a free hotel pen!
As President of the School of Hard Knocks, I Regret to Inform You Our Institution Is Not Accredited
Our institution has always transformed negative experiences into learning opportunities; that’s kind of our whole deal.
Pig-Pen Dishes the Dirt on the Peanuts Gang
It’s the story of one man’s life of tears and anguish, obscured by a drawn-on smile and a perennial cloud of dirt.
Yes, I Totally Read, I Love Books, Here Are All the Books I’ve Read
I read this book a long time ago, and I've read it a couple of times since then, so I remember the plot very well. Wow, what a journey this was.