We published so many great writers and so much great short humor this year, that it was nearly impossible for us to get a list of our favorites down to a manageable number. But after a lot of deliberation, rereading, and a sacrifice to a cruel and ancient eldrich god to break some ties, we managed to settle on a list of 16 pieces—thank you Iuz’aondatl, our defiled souls are in the mail! We’re proud of this list, and of all the work that we ran in 2025.
As editors, it’s a great joy to get to read all of your work and share it with the world. We hope you enjoyed the pieces we published as much as we do. We had more submissions and more readership than ever in 2025, and thanks to our new partnership with the Great Sleeper Iuz’aondatl, this year a lot of PIC pieces are doing well on social media platforms that the feeble minds of men cannot begin to comprehend. Indeed, to repost on these sites is to go mad!
To all our readers and writers: thanks for another great year!
There’s Shareholder Value in Them There Hills
by Dan Fitzpatrick | January 9, 2025
Put ‘er there, partner! Haven’t spoken to another living, breathing human being in ages, not since the Great Marketing Mixer of ‘68. Been out in these parts going on fifty years now. The name’s Ol’ Sassafras. Course, in some circles I’m also known as Glen Martindale, M.B.A., Kellogg School of Management.
It’s Great to Hear About Your Wedding, Even Though I’m a Monster Living in the Sewers
by Lillie Franks | February 28, 2025
Where’d you meet him? Is he someone I know? If he lives in Chicago, I might have seen him from the ankle down. I like to stand in the shadows of the city’s storm drains and watch all the shoes going past.
This Noir Detective Definitely Skipped Dinner
by Luke Herzog | March 7, 2025
She rolls into my office like one of those rotating hot dogs at 7-11. You know the ones, plastic-y but intriguing. And just like those suspicious frankfurters, this dame might’ve been passed over as too dangerous during the day.
Don’t Be Nervous on Your First Day of Time Travel Because You Retired Yesterday After Fifty Years and We’re All Going to Miss You
by Ryan Burkett | April 2, 2025
If you don’t mind me asking, what sparked your interest in time travel? DON’T ANSWER THAT. YOU’LL OPEN A TEAR IN THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM. I’m kidding. Time travel joke. We are so happy to have you here. Well, we were.
Lost Dog: Do Not Chase, Respectfully Acknowledge
by Just Lunning | April 24, 2025
DO NOT APPROACH HIM, DO NOT EVEN CALL HIS NAME. Though, honestly, I’d be surprised if you could, given that you’ll be stunned in silence by Jeffery’s natural swagger.
What I Imagined “Going to the Bar” Would Be Like When I Was 12 Years Old Versus How It Was Last Week
by Ines Heyworth | May 14, 2025
What I imagined: I literally glide across the mahogany floor towards the mahogany bar. The bartender winks at me.
Reality: “How old are you?” says the barman, whose name is Paul. “I’m going to have to see your ID.” I tell him I’ve left it at home. He calls me a stupid loser.
What Are Thoughts?
by Graeme Carey | May 28, 2025
What are thoughts? A better question might be, What isn’t a thought? A basketball, for example? Not a thought. A skateboard? Not a thought. A dog? Still not a thought. A dog balancing a basketball on its nose while riding a skateboard? Now there’s a thought.
New Unlockable Characters for the Game of Chess
by Luís Leal Miranda | June 4, 2025
The Archbishop. An enhanced bishop that converts enemy pieces instead of capturing them. Available in three historically accurate skins: Catholic, Orthodox and Anglican. Part of The Royal Bundle, and the Holy Wars expansion pack.
Everything I Will Accomplish During My Perfectly Curated Adult Summer
by Ellyn Mendenhall | June 25, 2025
On a rainy day, I will clean out my closet. I will donate the sweaters I didn’t wear this winter, or the winter before, or the three winters before that.
NO, KYLE ENERGY DRINK DOES NOT CONTAIN TRACE AMOUNTS OF REAL KYLE
by Kyle Towers | June 30, 2025
THEY CLAIM MY DRINK HAS REAL KYLE. HAHA. THEY SAY IT’S UH LET ME JUST READ THIS HERE. A CONCOCTION OF SUGAR CAFFEINE BULL TESTICLES AND TRACE AMOUNTS OF KYLE.
Let’s Be Bad!
by Henry Block | July 7, 2025
Ugh, we probably shouldn’t be driving this fast in a school zone, right? Especially after all those margaritas we drank? Since everything is spinning? No, you’re right, Trish, eff it! We’re being bad tonight! Crazy idea: Let’s go the wrong way down the highway!
I Have Designated Myself as the Chief Operating Officer of This Fun Weekend Trip
by Chandler Dean and Sarah Gruen | August 1, 2025
Really looking forward to a fun weekend out of town. I know we all need the break from work. And to make sure that we can all get the most out of this 48 hours of relaxation, I have taken the liberty of creating a 49-point Relaxation Action Plan.
Break Up at Our Apple Orchard!
by Helen Laser | September 13, 2025
Day after day you’re going through the motions. Happiness is a distant memory. You’ve become strangers to one another—growing apart the closer you cling…
But with apples!
That’s My Wife You’re Talkin’ To!
by Dana Herrnstadt | November 4, 2025
I’m not trying to start anything, really I’m not, but, hey, man, it’s not cool to call the name of someone else’s wife and just expect her to follow you into “your office.”
Have You Dined with Us Before?
by Talia Argondezzi | November 11, 2025
The kitchen’s behind that door. Craig, our cold dishes chef, will sulk if you don’t order any salads. He probably could have landed sous chef at another restaurant by now, but he expects several good positions to open here when the psychosexual tension between our head chef, sous chef, and pastry chef finally explodes. If you’d like to keep Craig feeling calm and useful, I recommend the vichyssoise.
Workshopping Riddles from a Troll’s Riddles Three
by Tessia Phillips | November 19, 2025
Remember, it’s not getting an answer as much as creating an experience—not may they pass, but also should they? What will they need to muster to survive the remainder of the pivotal journey, is it inside them/has it been all along, etc? What will answering these riddles elicit, and what should stay in their memory for the upcoming passage?
More Humor
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