Break Up at Our Apple Orchard!

At Bliss Orchards, we know there’s nothing like an autumnal, pastoral setting to help you and your special someone slow down. Take stock of life. Leave behind the bustle of the city long enough to realize:

Day after day you’re going through the motions. Happiness is a distant memory. You’ve become strangers to one another—growing apart the closer you cling…

But with apples!

So, come one, come all, come flannelled this fall:

Break up at our apple orchard!

For over 100 years Bliss Orchards has offered 200 acres of the best apple picking for callin’ it quits. Our breathtaking fall foliage is the perfect backdrop for telling him you slept with his dad and now it’s serious.

Uncouple al fresco!

Try, “it’s not you, it’s me,” among the Winesaps.

Enjoy the tangy crunch of a Zestar as you scream, “HOW COULD YOU BANKRUPT US WITH YOUR STUPID STARTUP FOR ‘AN AI-POWERED BICYCLE?’ WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?”

The Macoun row is the ideal spot for, “So Marco at work WASN’T ‘just a friend,’ huh!?”

Have a honeycrisp with your ex-honey: “You never actually liked me—you just needed someone to make you feel whole! Because this side of 30 is a NIGHTMARE if you’re alone. You didn’t want to be the only single person in your friend group who slowly but surely stops being invited to dinner. FUCK.”

It’s the perfect place to correct each other. The ideal atmosphere where you don’t have to whisper, but you do anyway! Wander our fertile fields and beseech the God of Plenty, “Why can’t we just be HAPPY!?”

Stroll past the parents yelling at their kids to “GET DOWN FROM THERE, PHINEAS.”

Look at that couple in matching outfits arguing amid the Macintoshes—now look at your girlfriend: Is that what you want? Because buddy, you’re barrelling down a one-way superhighway to 50 years of misery, resentment, and inedible Red Deliciouses.

At Bliss, we give you the setting, so you don’t have a wedding!

Breathe fresh air, enjoy scenic views, and realize you’re more lonely with your boyfriend right next to you than you are when you’re alone. Let’s face it. Charli XCX got it right: that apple’s rotten right down to the core! So break up at our apple orchard!

Sit on a tractor. Pet a goat. Have that argument that’s been fermenting (just like our delicious and refreshing hard cider) for years!

Break up in the Jonagold row (nobody likes those: full privacy!).

Break up on the hayride after making fun of your girlfriend for being too short to climb on without help!

Break up sitting in humongous ergonomic-nightmare Adirondack chairs screaming about how freaking wet he ALWAYS leaves the bathroom floor after showering while a gingham-clad family waits to take what’ll end up being their Christmas card photo!

Break up hunched over and hissing on the porch of The Bliss Country Store (our famous cider donuts are 50% off after 4 PM!).

Every bag of apples comes with a Bliss Orchards branded tote, and a free consultation with our in-farm divorce lawyer. Get a wristband, and get an annulment!

And after you’re done, step on down to our cidery! Present proof of purchase and breakup (tear-stained tissues, ringless fingers, a hoarse voice from yelling, or just show up alone) and get a free flight of our fresh-pressed ciders.

Drag around the heaviest bag of Granny Smiths of all time, yet feel a weight finally lift.

So drive the 59.7 miles to Bliss Orchards and, say it with me now, little farmerinos:

BREAK UP!

And hey, if the timing’s not right, no worries. There’s always strawberry season.