If you’ve ever spent time wandering the streets of New York City, then you’ve probably seen most every kind of person, from tourist to newcomer to city native. But, somewhere between the NYU freshman who you just witnessed get hit by a taxi and the homeless man clipping his toenails on the L train, is you. How do you define your relationship with New York? Where do you fit in?
Now it’s time to figure out your place in the city and answer the age old question: are you a true New Yorker or are you just some college kid here for a summer internship?
Think about how you navigate your day-to-day life in New York. Have you ever:
- Accidentally taken the subway downtown instead of uptown, tried to correct your mistake, and ended up continuing to go the wrong way all the way to Flatbush?
- Mixed up which body of water was which and, when your friend from out of town visited, confidently pointed towards Hoboken, New Jersey and said, “That’s Brooklyn over there”?
- Been corrected on which body of water is which by said friend from out of town?
- Been corrected more than once?
- Been asked for food recommendations and said either Serendipity 3, Katz's Delicatessen, or—worst of all— the M&M World in Times Square because they have the most “authentic” chocolate in NYC?
- Attempted to pet a squirrel and/or pigeon?
- Succeeded in petting a squirrel and/or pigeon, promptly gotten aggressively bitten, and had to spend 4-6 hours in the Beth Israel emergency room waiting to get a rabies shot and trying to not make eye contact with the women in labor and the gunshot wound victims?
- Engaged in a conversation with the senile man dancing on the street outside your apartment building?
- Danced with the senile man outside your apartment building like a scene in Enchanted or a similar fairytale?
- Been catcalled and, because you couldn’t entirely hear what the catcaller said—which was either “you look nice miss” or “you’re now my little bitch”—gotten frazzled and replied, “thank you?”
- Apologized at any time to anyone for literally anything?
- Been asked for money on the subway and, without thinking twice, gotten out your wallet in plain view and rooted around in it for a minute?
- Been mugged?
- Been mugged on the subway in a situation that the NYPD later described as “entirely your own fault?”
- Said something like, “I can’t wait to have my own in-unit washer/dryer in my next apartment!” and/or “I think I’d like to live in a rent-controlled one-or-even-two-bedroom in the Village which seems pretty feasible”?
- Taken Instagram photos in Central Park, Times Square, at the Statue of Liberty, or in front of the 9/11 Memorial?
- Captioned those photos with something like “I love this city” or “My heart will always be in the BIG APPLE”?
- Bought any single item of clothing that has “I Love NYC” printed on it?
If you answered yes to literally ANY of these, you’re a college kid interning in New York. And no, you’re not allowed to refer to yourself as “practically a New York native.” Trust me, the real natives will get mad at you.