The Secret to That Great New York Pizza Is…
Gotta be those great New York fish. You seen these fish? New York fish have chutzpah. They've seen it all.
Tag: New York
Differences I’ve Noticed Between New York City and Philadelphia
In NYC, a beer costs $830 plus tip; in Philadelphia, beer is poured out of the same taps scientists accidentally used to birth The Toxic Avenger.
After Careful Consideration, I’ve Decided to Move to the Most Expensive City in the World in Order to Pursue a Dream I Could Pursue Anywhere
Either way, I’m not going to pursue my dream full-time. Recklessly spend my money trying to make a living out of a hobby? No, that would be ridiculous.
The Pros and Cons of Congestion Pricing
Pro: It can help people see transportation solutions beyond cars. Con: Hey, cars are people too.
What Your Breakfast Order Says About You, NYC Edition
A Western omelette from a bodega served in a Styrofoam tray: You are a nihilist and people should actually be afraid of you.
Musicals That Probably Would Not Be Popular in New York City
Basically this show is the plot of Guys and Dolls but, inexplicably, there is also one random guy on stage who keeps insulting Derek Jeter.
Monologue from the Rat You Made Eye Contact With
I was born here and I’ll die here and so will 500 of my brothers and sisters. You moved to New York City to go to NYU and major in bisexuality.
A Real New Yorker’s Guide to the Real New York, Really
First, don’t ever call it the Big Apple. That’s embarrassing. The locals call it Nork-Nork. As in, “Welcome to Nork-Nork, dumb-dumb!"
I Am a Shark and We Just Bought Cool Drones to Monitor You
Now sharks will watch humans eat and breed in real-time. I could easily watch a whole week of this in slickly packaged, one-hour chunks.
This Aesthetic Subway Ad Is Here to Tell You That You Are Going Bald as Shit
Not "thinning out." Not "George Costanza-ing." Nope. You're going full-on, sunscreen on your scalp, brain-practically-exposed BALD.
We, the Birds of NYC, Demand an End to the Birdhousing Crisis
Every year we live in fear of predatory rent hikes by turkey vulture-owned management companies.
I’m the New York City Marathon, and We Need to Set Some Boundaries
This is progressing faster than I can manage—remember, I’m a marathon, not a sprint.