Secrets to Rekindling Love While Burning Down a Dystopian Society
With casualties in the hundreds of thousands, just be glad you're dating someone that’s alive.
With casualties in the hundreds of thousands, just be glad you're dating someone that’s alive.
For starters, many of you have been attending parties. We told you not to do that! We thought you’d listen to us.
No matter how many side pickles one has in their lifetime, each new side pickle feels like the first.
Does everyone have a string of rosary beads? It's very important to warm your muscles by lightly flagellating your body.
Let our four-legged friends teach you about their traditions, long history, or the way to make the best apple cider you've ever had (a Branbury guarantee).
Listen to your yelp as you touch my hot leather seats. Feel the burn, baby. I can feel the panic rising in your breath.
Can’t seem to think of a good slogan. “Minnesota: Chug It Down!” No, that’s not it. “Minnesota: Everybody in the Pool!” Closer, but still no.
Set your timer for 15 minutes and promptly CRY INTO A PILLOW AND LET THE TEARS OF FAILURE FLOW LIKE THE RIVER NILE.
In one of his more difficult passages, Hemingway suggests that the combination of alcohol and music can result in a fine evening.
"When was the last time you worked?" Well, technically, as the Messiah, I am always working. But as a carpenter, I worked about three months ago.
It wasn't uncommon to come down to the breakfast table and see my father carefully spooning some of the fumes into his coffee.
When my starter told me it needed a guitar for its new band, a “Wilco meets Steely Dan” vibe, I knew things were about to take a turn for the worse.