Random people keep jostling you to get to the front of the amorphous blob you’ve been waiting in for 30 minutes.
A scribe’s only acceptable wardrobe is a good collared shirt or sensible cardigan, or a collared shirt under a sensible cardigan.
The May-Decemberita: Sherry with a sprinkle of Molly.
He asks you about yourself, things like, “Can you give me a kidney?” and, “So how’s about that kidney?”
I Got You Babe (And By “You” I Mean Rude Comments on Your TikTok)
The "Definitely Not Adderall" Meal ($54.99): A taco shell with six tablets of Adderall in it.
You are pressing the button so hard that the spring mechanism has failed. Please stop pressing someone else’s button.
The New York Times: Critics Say a Roman Civil War Is Coming—Others Disagree
Questions I Had While Attending My Second Basketball Game, After My First Basketball Game Was the One That Air Bud Played In
How many fouls does each player get? Do dogs get the same number of fouls? How much longer until the dogs come out?
What does democracy look like? This is what democracy looks like: it’s kind of pear-shaped.
Our Tallest 2nd Grader: I mean, have you seen this kid? He can even spell “tyrannosaur.” Anyway, he’ll be teaching AP Bio.
"I didn't really think this one through. I'm stuck here in this pre-Y2K past. I now have homework again and two presentations next week!"