Short, punchy comedy for readers on the go. Submit a List
Clear your neural browser cache before interfacing with your child’s subconscious. Good neural hygiene begins in your own prefrontal cortex!
Margaret Thatcher - Notice you haven’t heard a peep from her since April 8, 2013? Women can also be agents of the patriarchy, too, you know.
Fetsfermönee - The act of drafting a tweet about selling pictures of your feet, then deleting it because your mother follows you.
Stoned college kids convincing themselves it’s really everyone else who is stoned / A yawn that never ends / Vomit splashing into a toilet
Meet supplier to get product. Supplier got goods from distributor. Distributor doesn’t know you or want to. Don't ask questions, just sell.
It’s a bridesmaid-eat-bridesmaid world. / Treat your friends like family and your family like bridesmaids. / Hate the bride, not the bridesmaid.
What would you try to make your shiv out of? The sharpened end of a toothbrush, or the sharpened bones of a rat you found in your cell and then ate.
Pull your wallet out when paying and flash your cute family photos. Have the last one be a photobooth selfie of you and your Keurig.
Treat your Valentine to a fancy restaurant just the way it likes: put off making a reservation as long as possible so all restaurants are booked!
On a scale of 1 to 10, what the hell are these spots on our seats? Cigarette burns? The management just had these seats reupholstered!
Super simple baby carrot white bread casserole / Mocha eggplant cheesecake / Sweet salmon sausage scramblinies / Bok choy bread domes
To keep you safe on long interstate drives, Mother's Gap Lane Assist simulates a choking gasp from your mother’s throat when you veer out of lane.