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What does your child do for fun? A) Mescaline. B) Sits quietly while parents read NYT Cooking section. C) Derives enjoyment from pleasing others.
Any stick that has touched a rotting carcass or been rotting carcass-adjacent must become part of the permanent collection immediately.
Seth has returned to his car and confirmed your address for the first time. Your dumplings are no longer crispy or hot. Seth lives with his parents.
Despite what you see on the Zoom, I don’t sunburn easily. (When we can't think of a fun fact, my current boss tells us to try a humblebrag.)
Level 1 Boss: Twitter user with American flag emoji in profile / Special Attack: Signature Retweet-and-Comment, usually in form of an OANN headline.
A love letter, never sent / Pocket Bible (illustrated) / Hard candies, all unwrapped / Sack of flour dressed like a baby, for practice
I deserve my on-campus mansion. I am enough for my on-campus mansion. No one can take my on-campus mansion from me.
The Secret Service have used anagrams for White House codenames since Hairball Conman (Abraham Lincoln). These are the Trump administration aliases.
Denial: The next box won't be here for another 20 hours. There's still time to eat this week's produce. The avocado is mush, but it's fine for guac.
Did you reach for a pair of jeans, but a security guard asserted, "Please don’t touch the art"? You can't afford it.
Let us sing the cleverest of songs for Trader Joe-San whose punny word play on the Japanese honorific translated to "Mr. Trader Joe."
Say: "I’m getting leather notes and a hint of tobacco." Mean: "I wish I could still watch John Wayne movies unironically."