Short, punchy comedy for readers on the go. Submit a List
I enjoy exercising now, since I can levitate over the treadmill while watching Hulu on my phone. If my BF asks, I tell him it’s supernatural cardio.
I remain perplexed as to the genesis of Igor’s strong opinions regarding the choice of which cadaver shall provide the penis.
24 hours: A work acquaintance who could care less about my existence but whose validation I seek nonetheless.
Simon says tell your neighbor you never touched her butt, and she must be imagining things. This is "gaslighting" and will come in handy someday.
“I pledge fealty to you, my Pumpkin Dad” is another great example of a gourd-geous caption being used by Fall fanatics everywhere.
Some of these are horses that made the turns and came out on top. Some are turns of phrase associated with a horse still in the running.
Fundamental Economy Lite: During pre-boarding, passengers may not sit at the gate and must instead loiter at the nearest Hudson News outlet.
Consider adding custom lace and sequins suggestive of gills and scales. Guests will soon forget the piles of rotting fish heaped on the shoreline.
The main responsibility of any dad in a restaurant is to spout off a consistent stream of comedy gold. So many antics!
“I’m absolutely sure that I’ve never cried this much in my entire life.” / “The day I went into physics class it was death.”