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Orson Welles Reviews Halloween Candy
Reese's Cups: “Another groveling rube clamoring for accolades simply for having done exactly what is required."
Funny Lists
Honest Movie Ratings We Actually Need
Contains blood, gore, jump scares, high-pitched screeching instead of a real soundtrack, and gross chewing noises.
College Drama Workshop, or Clinical Depression?
Close family and friends are worried about your future prospects.
Words My Parents Mispronounce That Could Be Real Things
Actual Word: Package Pronounced: “Peekage”: An accidental exposure of flesh or undergarments due to missing or loose clothing fastener(s).
The Grapes of Wrath, and Other Dangerous Fruits to Avoid
- “Economically anxious” strawberries - The blackberries of our discontent - The raspberries of road rage
Horror Movie Fate or Ways My Italian-American Mother Thinks I Risk Accidental Death, Which Is Lurking Around Every Corner?
- That cut is going to get infected - Fuel leak recall from a car I don’t own
Ways to Say “I Love You,” Adjusted for Inflation
- You’re the crab-apple of my eye - You’re the love of my mid-life - You’re my other third
In Addition to $10,000, Here Are Some Other Things I’d Like Forgiven from My Time in College
Smelling like a mix of Lay's Potato Chips, Victoria's Secret perfume, and Miller Lite for four years straight.
The Real Reasons We’re Going Back to the Moon
- The Apollo 14 flag got wrinkled and needs ironing.
Reasons You Have Jaw Pain Bingo
- Lower gum tattoos are still healing - Chimpanzee documentary made eating fire ants with a stick look easy
What I Said in the Handshake Line After the Hockey Game Where I Told the Media We’d Win, Sang a Taunting Rendition of the National Anthem, Talked Way Too Much Trash, and Lost Fifteen to Zero
Good game, I didn’t mean what I said when I said, “We’re gonna kill this sorry ass team!”
Clues That You Are Controlled by a Microchip Your Dentist Implanted in a Filling
You feel the urge to wash your dentist’s car after each appointment.