1. You become astonishingly strong when angry. At your worst, you’re impossible to contain. It takes multiple attempts, sophisticated acrobatic origami, and a lengthy, sweaty battle of wills to buckle you into the car.
  2. You can destroy an entire house in seconds.
  3. You are super smart, but your primary mode of communication is limited to grunting sounds and a few syllables. Luckily, what you lack in vocabulary you make up for in volume, because now everyone in this Target has been alerted to the news that “MOMMY FART!”
  4. The pants that fit you perfectly this morning are either too small, torn to rags, or completely gone by the end of the day. Seriously, what happened to your pants? It shouldn't matter what color they are, but fine. FINE. I will buy you stacks of purple pants as long as you KEEP THEM ON.
  5. You struggle mightily to self-regulate, but controlling your emotions is a challenge even when you've retreated to your calm down corner and someone is helping you count to ten.
  6. You turn a color that can’t possibly be healthy when you get upset.
  7. Your friends and family exchange tips on how to avoid setting you off. Things like don’t look at them, don’t get too close, and for the love of all that is holy, do not sarcastically call them “jolly.”
  8. Whenever you’re not in sight, people panic about where you might be, what havoc you might be wreaking, and how long it will take to rebuild the Lego city you will inevitably destroy.
  9. When you are completely out of control and every negotiation and de-escalation strategy has failed, you rage until you finally pass out in the middle of the giant mess you created. You wake the next morning with a totally different personality and little to no memory of what happened.
  10. A beautiful woman who never gets enough screen time can calm you with a lullaby—sometimes.

1-10: My toddler
1-10: The Incredible Hulk


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