Clark Kent, We Have Updated Your Ancestry DNA Results!
Our new, improved algorithm now reports that you are: 99.9% not of the human genome <1% Pacific Islander
Tag: Superheroes
The Superhero Known as The Vegan Fends Off Home Invaders
“Vegan! Give us ze classified recipes and ve vill let you live!” The Vegan’s former best friend-turned-nemesis, General Draganov, shouts.
I, Clark Kent, Resign from Speedwriting Listicles at The Daily Planet
Before Lex Luthor’s hedge fund bought us out and we started reporting only by telephone, I loved running to crime scenes.
I Hate to Be the One to Say It, but Gotham City Has Changed
Every block was a rich symphony of hustlers, pushers, junkies, johns and tiny, sinister men dressed as penguins. Truly, Gotham City had it all.
I, The Riddler, Can No Longer Afford to Make Costly, Multi-Step Riddles to Torment You
You have family wealth and a car that turns into a plane, whereas I am $73,000 in debt with a degree in Applied Puzzles from Gotham University.
This Looks Like Yet Another Unpaid Job for Superman!
Unfortunately, I do have to make a living. As it turns out, the only subject I’m really educated on—beyond punching things—is a dying industry.
Spider-Man Movies Ranked by the Severity of Pain I Experienced Passing a Kidney Stone During the Screening
Widely considered the apex of the Spider-Man films, the first sequel is also significant because its release coincided with the passing of my second kidney stone.
Are You My Toddler or the Incredible Hulk?
- You become astonishingly strong when angry. - You can destroy an entire house in seconds.
The Unsung Not-Very-Super Heroes
The Human Flashlight She’ll find those evil villains hiding in the dark, oh yes, she will. (Unless she’s recharging at home, of course.)
I’m a Superhero Who Saved the World Twice, and I Still Can’t Get a Bank Loan
All that changed when a (unnamed for legal purposes) billionaire “superhero” with no powers showed up and asked me to join his superhero team.
A Series of Internal HR Memos RE: The Justice League’s Vaccine Policy
We would like to apologize to some of our team members for leaving them off our initial list: Kyle in shipping, our office temp Brayden, and Aquaman.
I’m One Bad Day and a Chemical Spill Away from Becoming a Batman Villain
Gotham's oldest enemy? Health and safety code. How do people keep falling into pits of bubbly wubbly goo?