Another drop in the U.S. birth rate has recently been reported, citing the pandemic as the main cause. However, the actual culprit behind this decline is neither the pandemic nor inflation, not even the general lack of interest in children.

The real reason the birth rate has dropped is due to one thing, and one thing only: spider plants.

The real reason behind the lack of children being born is not that Millennials are having less sex, but rather the funky little houseplants known as spider plants, cited as one of the easiest plants to raise for those who aren't capable of taking responsibility for anything other than themselves!

Spider plants are an excellent choice instead of having a child. They require little care, moderate water and sunshine, and are even capable of having babies! That's right, you can breed spider plants for only a fraction of the time and money it takes to raise a child!

Raising a child can cost anywhere upwards of $200,000, which is certainly not always feasible with the average Millennial salary. However, a spider plant can be purchased online for a very affordable $5, also known as the price of a regular black coffee in L.A.!

In fact, spider plants are capable of producing several babies throughout the year, which can then be sold to friends and family! It's like a child that makes you money!

Children are sticky and don't know much due to their tiny brains. On the other hand, spider plants are very stoic creatures that serve not only as a friend, but also a therapist, hobby, and possible business venture! What child could do that?

Not only do spider plants serve as a suitable alternative for children, but they also make great significant others. Need someone to really listen to you without interrupting? Looking for someone who will always be down to hang out on the couch and watch movies? You guessed it, spider plants are capable of all of the above. They aren't very self-sufficient, but it's a small price to pay.

The pandemic may have possibly contributed to the lack of sex Millennials are having (or increased it, in some wild, sexy cases), but scientists need to stop acting like low birth rates are a problem. Some people just don't vibe with kids. But spider plants? Yeah, everyone vibes with spider plants.

In fact, it's predicted by absolutely nobody scientific that the birth rate will continue to decline over the coming years. As the Millennial spider plant parents grow older, they'll only be replaced by Gen Z betta fish breeders. Raising children is no longer trendy. Sorry, Mom! No grandkids in this future!

In the grand scheme of things, the declining birth rate may not be such a good thing. But at the end of every pandemic comes a renaissance, and it's possible this one will be a flurry of art, culture, and childbearing. But until then, Millennials everywhere are staying in and tending to their one (or ten) spider plants.

So despite what the mainstream media wants to push about the drop in the birth rate, there's only one true answer. And that answer comes with spindly little leaves and a really cool pot from HomeGoods.

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