We don't even know him, what if this kickass party goes to waste because your baby ends up being a loser or something?
I don’t appreciate your judgment. You hurt me deeper than any wound my son has inflicted with his sharp claws.
When you sing to your baby please use public-domain music.
No, I Didn’t Name My Child Michael Jordackson So He’d Aspire for Greatness as an NBA Player or World-Renowned Musician
I just happen to like the smooth sound of “Michael Jordackson.” It’s got a nice ring to it.
My fedora is almost always silent, but your kid starts screaming just because I flick him in both his eyes? Toughen up, Henry.
This new hire, a human-in-training or “cute smushy baby," has been rude, selfish, and has made zero meaningful contributions to the company.
Lyra? Aranelle? Zuma? Kyleena? Gio?
What’s the deal with rattles nowadays? Seems to me like a poor excuse for jangly keys! Oh, wait– can someone bring me a bottle?
Your Four Grocery Bags So You Don't Have to Make Two Trips: These are overstuffed, precariously placed, and definitely digging into your shoulders.
The lack of children being born is not due to Millennials having less sex, but rather the funky little houseplants known as spider plants.
The queen travels around the board very fast, knocking over the other pieces, sometimes singing "Let It Go" from Disney’s Frozen.
Baby wearing is very in right now. You can do the dishes, vacuum, or paddle a lifeboat out of your flooded neighborhood.