My fedora is almost always silent, but your kid starts screaming just because I flick him in both his eyes? Toughen up, Henry.
This new hire, a human-in-training or “cute smushy baby," has been rude, selfish, and has made zero meaningful contributions to the company.
Lyra? Aranelle? Zuma? Kyleena? Gio?
What’s the deal with rattles nowadays? Seems to me like a poor excuse for jangly keys! Oh, wait– can someone bring me a bottle?
Your Four Grocery Bags So You Don't Have to Make Two Trips: These are overstuffed, precariously placed, and definitely digging into your shoulders.
The lack of children being born is not due to Millennials having less sex, but rather the funky little houseplants known as spider plants.
The queen travels around the board very fast, knocking over the other pieces, sometimes singing "Let It Go" from Disney’s Frozen.
Baby wearing is very in right now. You can do the dishes, vacuum, or paddle a lifeboat out of your flooded neighborhood.
Is It a Baby, a Small Dog, or Something Else Entirely in That Stroller/Reversible Bassinet/All-In-One Travel System?
While doing a forward bend in the local park, you smell… A) Doggy breath B) Baby poop C) Your name being added to a new Slack channel
What to Do if Your Mother Keeps Hinting that You, The One True Begotten Son of God, Should Really Give Her Grandkids Already
Every Chanukah for the past seven years she kept telling you she doesn't want you to buy her anything, with “BUY” and “THING” in air quotes.
“Do we even know if the parents adopted this puppy? What if they stole it? Is this baby even theirs? You can’t believe everything you read online!!”
15 Printed Onesies Worn by Babies Who Will Eventually Struggle to Move Up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
25% Mommy, 25% Daddy, 25% Mommy’s Yoga Coach, 15% Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Tinder Guy Who Was Into Daddy and Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Lube, 100% PERFECT ME!