Simple Lines to Drop for Getting Out of Babysitting Your Friends’ New Baby
Have you seen that Dateline episode about the swimming babies? / Anyone can breastfeed, right? / He'll fit right in my backpack!
Tag: Babies
Other Historic Calamities Caused by Gender Reveal Parties
World War I (1914-1918) – Bosnian-Herzegovian couple Davud and Emina give their guests blue toy guns to fire into the streets of Sarajevo.
How to React to an Ugly Baby
Step 1: Show your authentic surprise. When you unexpectedly encounter an infantile grotesquerie like that one over there, you will feel shocked.
Workplace Benefits Explained by a Toddler
Health Benefits: You go to the nurse and it's free! She gives you lollipop when you leave and 6 pats on back for good job not crying over bill.
Every Day I Pray Someone Will Shit in the Pool
I am a swim coach for kids. That’s right, I spend my shifts in a cesspool of germs and boogers.
Human Infant Parenting Tips from the Year 3521
Clear your neural browser cache before interfacing with your child’s subconscious. Good neural hygiene begins in your own prefrontal cortex!
To the Man Selling His Dead Baby’s Shoes
What on earth caused you to decide that the appropriate response to this tragedy was selling your dead baby's shoes in the local newspaper?
Chinese Biophysics Researcher He Jiankui or God?
Most people aren’t comfortable with the genetic modification of life, but He isn’t bothered by what most people think. / He works in mysterious ways.
What to Do if the Little Drummer Boy Shows Up at Your Local Maternity Ward
It's confusing that this boy thinks a drum solo is an appropriate gift for anyone---let alone an infant. That’s what makes him so dangerous.
Thinkpiece: Baby Name, or Warby Parker Glasses?
Wilcox - Say hello to Wilcox! Your newest member of the household comes in Smoky Bourbon or Teal.
16 Low-Cost Activities to Recreate the Comfort of the Womb
Wrap yourself from the neck down in Saran Wrap, and then ask a friend to spray lukewarm water between you and the plastic with a garden hose.
I Don’t Want Children but I Am Sad That I’ll Never Gain the Miraculous Strength to Lift a Car Off a Baby
My mom has always wanted me to lift cars like she did: a hatchback off my sister, an SUV off my brother, and the family van off me.