I’m Totally Against Abortion, Except in Cases of Ugly Women
We all know abortion is wrong. Bad. But sometimes the mother is so disgusting and fat from being pregnant, we really don't want that baby.
Tag: Babies
My Kid Has Usurped My Wife’s Breasts
I love Gabe. He's half me. And I’m sure that fact has something to do with his literal clinginess to Kristina's quadruple-D, turn-to-see milk-pillows.
Help, Babies are Stealing My Friends!
One day soon you will wake up and all of your friends will have babies. And you will think, "But we haven't gone to New Zealand or the Playboy Mansion Party yet!"
Four Tips for Hosting Rosemary’s Baby Shower
Baby shower timing is important. Too late and Rosemary may be dead after the Antichrist rips out of her stomach. Too soon and she'll have no baby bump to sport!
Your Wedding was Stupid and Your Baby is Ugly
Lately it seems like all of my friends are getting married or pregnant. I thought I had a few more years before they all lost their damn minds, but apparently 20 is a great age to give up on life.