Christmas Letter from the Millers
When not studying, Teddy enjoys playing with action figures despite the fact that he's a grown man. Johnny, my feral child, fathered a couple of kids.
Tag: Babies
Natural Killers: A Message from an Environmentally-Conscious NRA Member
The only drawback I can see here is that aluminum crumples up, so you’re going to want to make sure you don’t accidentally sit on your aluminum gun.
We Must Remember Gulak the Baby-Eater as a Patriot, Not an Eater of Babies
Consider all the babies that Gulak didn't devour. This country is full of succulent babies that weren't eaten by Gulak at all, not even a little bit.
Famously Unethical Psychological Experiments Re-Envisioned for Millennials
A phoneless participant will be quizzed about Buffy. If they get an answer wrong, another participant will be instructed to send a text to an ex.
I Am Very Special
This mug featured nine cats smiling at me and each other with the encouraging words, “You’re very special,” written in delicate script above them.
What Your Zodiac Sign Says About Your Cheese Compatibility
Sagittarius: Relishes in cheeses collected from their travels around the world
The Case for Watching “Three Men and a Baby” and “Baby’s Day Out” Back to Back
Baby vs. Single Men is the quintessential conflict of the time period, driving at the heart of America’s anxieties around wealth, gender, and cocaine.
How to Sell Your Smoky Beanie Baby Collection, According to My Aunt Connie, A Non-Smoker
Go back to Wawa to demand they stop selling cigarettes to your Beanie Babies after you catch Splash the Killer Whale with a carton of Pall Malls.
The Adventure of Mom and Toddler to the Airport Gate
My two-year-old then "dove" towards the airport floor, arms straight behind her as Moana's are when she swims down for the heart of Te Fiti.
For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn, Wife Says They Have to Go
I wish my kid could keep the shoes, but my wife got really annoyed about the whole "$120" thing. Happy wife, happy life, am I right?
5 Ways to Get Your Newborn to Fall Asleep While Dane Cook Waits in Your Living Room to Make Out
A stupid newborn baby wailing away doesn't care that you're about to make out with the King of Sting himself. Here's how to shut that brat up.
Opening Statement from Congressional Conservatives Following Historic Tax Bill Approval
Good afternoon, America! We've recently learned that humor is the best way to break bad news. Good thing the new tax bill is great news!