My two-year-old then "dove" towards the airport floor, arms straight behind her as Moana's are when she swims down for the heart of Te Fiti.
I wish my kid could keep the shoes, but my wife got really annoyed about the whole "$120" thing. Happy wife, happy life, am I right?
A stupid newborn baby wailing away doesn't care that you're about to make out with the King of Sting himself. Here's how to shut that brat up.
Good afternoon, America! We've recently learned that humor is the best way to break bad news. Good thing the new tax bill is great news!
Get ready to flip that Jean Nate-age, time-consuming beauty philosophy into a beauty routine that fits into the 30 seconds you have to pee.
I thought I was good at dressing my body like a burlap sack of potatoes, but I have been outdone! Women are all just floating heads with robot arms.
We all know abortion is wrong. Bad. But sometimes the mother is so disgusting and fat from being pregnant, we really don't want that baby.
I love Gabe. He's half me. And I’m sure that fact has something to do with his literal clinginess to Kristina's quadruple-D, turn-to-see milk-pillows.
One day soon you will wake up and all of your friends will have babies. And you will think, "But we haven't gone to New Zealand or the Playboy Mansion Party yet!"
Baby shower timing is important. Too late and Rosemary may be dead after the Antichrist rips out of her stomach. Too soon and she'll have no baby bump to sport!
Lately it seems like all of my friends are getting married or pregnant. I thought I had a few more years before they all lost their damn minds, but apparently 20 is a great age to give up on life.