Our eldest son, who fancies himself an art dealer of dick pics, has found his avocation stuffing pimentos into green olives. Someone's gotta do it.
When not studying, Teddy enjoys playing with action figures despite the fact that he's a grown man. Johnny, my feral child, fathered a couple of kids.
Sue grew into her breasts last year and is now popular with the boys, but she is self-identifying as Asian which is also confusing the boys.
Another eventful year has passed and the Millers are feeling SO BLESSED despite the fact that we are all agnostics or atheists.
Another year has passed and the extended Miller family has been blessed with good fortune, good friends, and good lawyers who kept our youngest out of jail.
In the wake of recent attacks on freedom of speech, we should all take a moment to review what is clearly not acceptable to joke about, no matter how damned funny it is.
Barbie has evolved into a modern woman who has pursued many jobs and professions, such as Architect Barbie and Doctor Barbie. But Mattel never envisioned these Barbies.
Drunk texting is apparently one of the habits of a millennial, according to the media. That is so not true of my Janie. When she is drunk she can never find her phone.
If you enjoy having sex with girls (or "women" as the older ones like to be called), you will increase your chances of getting laid with these simple shortcuts.
Avoid posting about the weather, news, your feelings, or "inspiring" Latin quotes, unless you want people to think there's something seriously wrong with you.
In an attempt to shield you from pedophiles, AIDS, and sun rays, your parents deprived you of the opportunity to experience rejection, exhaustion, and bullies.