Wilcox – Say hello to Wilcox! Your newest member of the household comes in Smoky Bourbon or Teal.

Decker – Decker’s signature browline says, “I love to read,” but also, “I’m a baby.”

Thurston – Talk about sophisticated! This mid-century classic feeds 12 times a day and spits up in the car.

Moriarty – Does something look different about you? Yes! It’s your newborn child, Moriarty.

Fletcher – Fletcher’s sensible silhouette cries “goo goo gaa gaa.”

Narrow Fit Lyle – The only thing this rugrat screams is cool jazz.

Stockton – It’s not too late to use protection. UV protection, that is! Go Stockton.

Huckleberry – Give birth to a new you with a pair of square-framed Huckleberries for just $225.

Greer – This little bundle of joy comes with a 60-day return policy.

Baker – Sleek contours and a glossy finish will have you bolting for the burp cloth.

Walteser – Life is precious. That’s why Walteser comes with a scratch-resistant coating.

Saylor – Cute as a button, Saylor is made from optical-grade polycarbonate and ion-plated titanium.

Taft – With its iconic keyhole bridge, Taft is the kind of decision of which people will say, “So you went with Taft.”

Whalen – Stand out from the crowd in a way that blends you right back in with Whalen.

Barnaby – Is that a stork in the sky? Nope! Just standard US shipping. Order Barnaby today.

Limited Edition Brookner – Go big and bold with Brookner. Seriously. Put it right there on the birth certificate.

Join upcoming comedy classes in Satire & Sketch Writing, Improv, and Stand-Up.