Our Tallest 2nd Grader: I mean, have you seen this kid? He can even spell “tyrannosaur.” Anyway, he’ll be teaching AP Bio.
I have to throw in some buzzwords that make eyes glaze over—“pandemic winter,” “lockdown ennui,” and “cultural zeitgeist” should do the trick.
Thank you so much for inviting me to your ______________ [wedding, dog’s birthday, seance, superspreader BBQ].
Doritos, we’re nothing but consistent. Doritos are always crunchy. We never give conflicting guidance on how to enjoy Doritos.
Whatever your personal weird fucking deal is, it won’t end well for you, so best not try to start it with us.
You spent 49 hours listening to our ear-piercing message alert sound…
DON'T: Share hats. Lice? Yuck. DON'T: Cough on your boss. This is a show of dominance and will show that you don’t understand the hierarchy.
Isolated and idle, alcohol became my only sidekick and I didn’t care if it was shaken or stirred as long as it was in my mouth.
Pray especially for those of us who have screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP I AM TRYING TO MEDITATE" at our children.
If the Pandemic Gave Workers More Leverage, Why Did My Boss Scream at Me for Printing Out Hundreds of Pictures of Mewtwo?
Much like the novel Coronavirus, there is something deeply disturbing about Mewtwo.
Pink circle: You don’t have COVID, but you do have ringworm? Gross.
Rock Star Teachers, I Am So Freaking Sorry to Be Writing You a Superfluous Email but I Have a Small Favor
What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry for sending an email when your mental energy is devoted to teaching during a pandemic? I am.