List: Opening Sentence Drafts for My Brand’s Coronavirus Email Blast
In these unprecedented times, / In these, let’s be real, horrifying times, / In these gay Oklahoman tiger overlord TV star times,
Tag: Pandemic
List: It’s a Quarantine You Lazy Ass, Get to Work
Paint a Fresco - Sure the prep list is a bitch and wet lime plaster is a bear of a medium, but can you think of a better time to tackle the job?
Crafting Ideas for While You Wait for the NY Unemployment Site to Load
3. Surgical Glove Popcorn Hand: Although this craft is usually popular around Halloween, time has no meaning right now.
List: Ranking the Coronavirus Task Force Members from Least to Most Fuckable
Derek Kan - Can make a train in the bedroom run on time. / Anthony Fauci - This silver fox has a lot of time now that Grey’s Anatomy isn’t filming.
Relax, I Was Only Hospitalized Because My Bookie’s Hired Goon Shot Me Three Times
I was not leaving my house, both to avoid getting infected with COVID-19 and to avoid running into Joey “Iron Fists” Cachatolli.
Do You Have the Coronavirus or Are You Suffering the Pains of Courtly Love?
Q: I have no symptoms, but yesterday I had a sexy dream about my flatmate and now I feel... awkward? A: Fly! Fly! Thy death wound is upon thee!
List: Top 20 Google Searches of the European Renaissance
Flying machine release date / Signs thy husband doth disrobing thy house maid / How to disrobe thy house maid / Paintings of breasts nearith me
List: Pandemic Coping Tips for Extraterrestrials Pretending to Be Earthlings
Get Dressed Every Morning - Even if you don’t expect to be in public, remember to put on your human skin suit every morning.
List: Historical Cures That Were Worse Than the Problem
Problem: Polio Cure: Jonas Salk’s polio vaccination. Worse Problem: Finding out your favorite celebrity thinks vaccines are worse than polio.
List: An Ode to the Great Outside My Apartment
Coffee shops: “Ugh, I know it’s overpriced, but it’s my guilty pleasure!” is now what I say when I buy healthcare.
List: A Pandemic through Single-Stream Recycling Bins
Friday Morning, Week 5 / Yellow Bungalow / Trader Joe's beer bottles (10) / Vodka bottle (1 pint) / Cardboard Pop-Tart boxes, cinnamon frosted (1)
No, You Can’t Be the Leader of Post-Apocalyptic Earth
Buckaroo, it’s time to pack away the silly stuff and focused on what you might actually achieve before the ice caps melt and we have to build an ark.