1. Two pink lines: This is a positive result, meaning COVID-19 was detected. Please contact your healthcare provider.
  2. One pink line: This is a negative result, meaning COVID-19 was not detected. It is possible to receive a false nega– oh, and you’re already leaving for the bars again.
  3. Three pink lines: You have COVID, and also you’re pregnant.
  4. Pink circle: You don’t have COVID, but you do have ringworm? Gross.
  5. Plus sign: Yep, still pregnant.
  6. Wiggly smudge: You spilled coffee on the test.
  7. Three pink lines, a pink circle, a plus sign, and a check mark: You’ve tested positive for, like, everything. You might want to start contacting past sexual partners.
  8. Red, everywhere: You’re type O if you were wondering, but also this isn’t a blood test so please, please put the knife away.
  9. Thin blue line: You’re more than a little bit racist.
  10. Three dots, three lines, and then three dots again: This is just morse code.
  11. Black spot: You’re a character in Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery,” and you’ve just drawn very poorly.
  12. A+: Good for you, smarty pants!
  13. Upside-down triangle: Yield for oncoming traffic.
  14. Scales: Were you born in October? Because you’re such a Libra. Mars is in retrograde, so watch out for some exciting changes in your love life 😉
  15. A Miranda: You’re independent, smart, driven, and let’s face it, kind of a tightass.
  16. Skull: A dark and ominous portent. Danger and strife lie ahead.
  17. Penis: LMAO.
  18. Ouroboros: You know, we’re not really sure what this one means either.
  19. Plus sign: Again, you’re definitely pregnant. And George the UberEats delivery guy is for sure the father.
  20. Total = $17.99: This is your CVS receipt.

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