I know the last thing you need is another email in your inbox, especially during our stressful back-to-school week, but I have a favor to ask of you.
Now, I know what you're thinking: “A favor? During back-to-school week, in the middle of a pandemic? By email? Has he seen my email inbox right now? Does he know how busy I am?” And I get it! So before I ask you said favor, I'd like to take a moment to more formally apologize for sending this email. I'm sorry!
While I do have a favor to ask, I know that I should not be writing you this email because I can already hear what you're going to be saying as you read it: “Who does he think he is? Why would he do this to us? Has he no shame?” Look, I know I messed up. What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry for sending an email when your mental energy is devoted to teaching during a pandemic? I am. I feel bad for typing these words right now, but again, I have a small favor and feel like I'm really backed into a corner here.
Once this email is over, I'm willing to put in the work to earn back your trust, but again: the small favor. You're probably thinking “Wow, that's your apology? You didn't even apologize outright. You did that thing where people ask about the apology defensively and then just offer a minor apology. And you're still doing the thing you're supposedly sorry for! This guy is a real mess.”
Look, did I make a mistake? Yes. Do I have character flaws? Sure. Do I sometimes send an email during back-to-school week during a pandemic? Sue me. But guess what? Every time you point a finger at someone, you have three fingers pointing right back at yourself. Let's face it, none of you are sending me anything that I absolutely need. Allen, did I need to be BCCed on that chain to the Social Studies teachers? Julia, pictures of your new baby? Nine pounds is not THAT big. Aaron, none of us took your bottle of Pineapple and Mango Fuze Tea from the work fridge. Get over it!
God, that was out-of-line. I'm sorry. I just got so defensive because I guess in my heart, I've been wanting an apology from you folks about emailing me during back-to-school week, but I haven't even really admitted that to myself yet. I need to take a second to remind myself that these feelings are valid, but just because I'm thinking these thoughts and feeling these emotions, doesn't mean they're the reality.
Allen, I don't mind that sometimes you tell me too much information sometimes. I'm just not sure you should trust me with some of this information. Julia, nine pounds is larger than the national average. I honestly haven't held a baby in a while and don't have great spatial awareness. Aaron, Allen drank your gross weird Subway tea.
Again, I apologize for sending this email! Feel free to delete this without even reading it!
That favor: Does anyone know where the fire extinguisher is? This is time-sensitive.