Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
I’ve had to take about 6,482 photos of myself every day. I have maxed out 14 used iPhone storage capacities and countless SD cards.
I was wary of Jamie moving into our base, because I gathered credible olfactory intelligence that they associate with cats.
I'm an athletic person so the sweatband is useful and does not look like the beginnings of a goofy '80s Halloween costume.
Nice place. Lovely sheets. Good shampoo. Someone kissed me in the middle of the night.
As a point of procedure, motions for new toys normally require a one-week notice period. See Maddy v. Mom (Safeway, 2021).
Resist the urge to open your eyes and do a quick scan of the room, evaluating people’s yoga wear.
Everyone’s favorite sauce now in chip form! Hot Hot Hollandaise has a triple dose of cayenne for a thoroughly throat-scorching encounter.
Would you like your receipt via text, email, or Gordian Knot full of surveys and "Extrabucks" offers you can’t throw away fast enough?
2. It’s predictable. Wow, 2 came after 1. Just like you expected. It’s dangerous to take anything for granted these days, but that felt pretty good.
We want to extend our deepest gratitude to you for believing in our potato chips. Those other people who didn’t buy our chips can go right to hell.
Marie__LocalHairgirl9: A huge part of my childhood. I skinny dipped in the reactor pool as a teen and since then I’ve had a 60 foot vertical leap.
'Tis a noble tradition, even though I could just as easily say all this to that carrier pigeon X, formerly known as Twitter.