Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
I come downstairs and kiss my wife, Taylor Swift, and ruffle the hair of my son, Taylor Swift.
My metaphysical hands are tied. It’s up to the collective hearts and minds of all that have been, that are, and that have yet to be.
John feels that trick questions on standardized tests are A) Necessary, B) Vexing, C) Forgromulent, or D) A word we made up just to trick John?
The main characters will be named Tad, Morglee, Suppa, and Caldwater. They are all incredibly hot but still unpleasant to look at.
I said similar color blocks. No, SIMILAR color! What the hell, are you stupid or something?
For every barrel of oil sold, a mid-level sales associate enters a tally mark into a Google spreadsheet.
Soon we'll live in a world where Neuralink will let us surf the internet just by thinking about it and bleeding from our eyes.
Anti-Christ. Bizarro-God. The Divinaughty. Providen’t. The horn in horny. The original Pitchfork Media. The devil you know.
Hey Google, search “affordable therapists near me,” and please read the results to the tune of “Baby Shark.”
Later I realized the pins shouldn’t have had an extended death sequence where they struggle on the ground pleading for their life.
We regret to inform you we won't be able to offer you a position at this time. We'll always wonder what could have been.
Our menu? Menu…. Oh, the "menu"! Yes, sorry, didn’t follow what you meant at first. We can’t remember the last time someone actually asked for that.