Daily funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. Best of Year | Editors' Picks | People's Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
I know you're the lone survivor, but that makes it all the more insulting.
And you know what? What if this was the zoo? Would that be so bad? You would still stay here if the price was right.
At what point did you realize the graphic I was drawing bore a loose resemblance to male genitalia? Please complete the following sentence: "After I drew _____."
I’ve been going in there (dark places in my mind) and destroying it (crying)! I take no prisoners (except myself)!
“Compromising Information” refers primarily to the eggnog-induced confessions that occurred around the fire pit on Christmas Eve.
Dear Megatron, I’ve been earning money from my paper route to buy smoke detectors so I can stockpile the radioactive americium.
Master: The unread text sits. Is it full or empty? Student: It is full of potential, yet empty of response.
Canyons, however, are terrible. They’re like backwards mountains, but long. There’s nothing grand about that.
Minimizing: Well, at least saying you’ve “still got it” isn’t vulgar or threatening.
In those days, the money and pool snacks seemed to flow as freely as the hose we used to spray down the concrete when some kid dropped his nachos.
See, right there, when A.J. Brown caught that deep ball! Did you feel that? That can’t be healthy.
Not enough soda // A side dish that inexplicably calls for three sticks of cream cheese