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I come to this park to walk my dog and to scold teenagers doing skateboard tricks on the walkway.
I’ve made a few enemies along the way, as evidenced by the group chat telling me not to bring my “musty ass around game night anymore.”
I really believed that a gang of scrappy, oddball teenage underdogs like us could pull this off against all odds.
‘Tis several weeks beyond Christmas when you realize You forgot it completely—doggone it, time flies!
I usually stay in the center of your tummy but unfortunately today I’m writing to you from the deepest depths of what could be considered your "gut."
I have come to the stark realization that I am no longer funny. I say that having once had one of the world’s great senses of humor.
By the time I’m through with your tokens, they will be funged beyond recognition. I disrupt the blockchain. I drink your milkshake. I funge your tokens.
How do I use this machine for exercise? Just sit back and push up on the sad branches/robot arms, letting the weight fall back down with a loud SLAM.
WHAT WE’RE LOOKIN’ FOR… YOU: - Enjoy tippin’ over hot dog carts for craps n’ giggles - Like puttin’ pennies on train tracks and watching ‘em smoosh
Submissions open at 3 AM on nights when our editor-in-chief looks at the night sky and feels a particular shade of melancholy.
Everyone agreed that you are fatally lacking any brand whatsoever. The days of "hanging loose," and "taking it as it comes," are long, long gone.
If you’re used to other eateries in the area, you might be surprised by the cold, but we didn’t mind cuddling up.