Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt but I assume this was all approved by the city? I just couldn't help but notice that this marriage proposal of yours is a bit of an operation.

You picked the centermost point of this park to ask your little question and when you got down on one knee a group of people appeared out of nowhere to gawk and snap pictures.

I take it from your silence that this is an unsanctioned event. I must then ask you to vacate the premises or I'll have to phone the police. I hate being the bad guy here but I can't allow you to unlawfully shove your love in everyone's faces. I mean, have some decency.

It's just that this park is for everybody and with your little congregation of friends and family it's starting to look like you've claimed ownership of the area. I come to this park to walk my dog and to scold teenagers doing skateboard tricks on the walkway, not to watch two strangers display their affection to each other like we're in some obscene romance novel. You realize there are young children around, right?

I'm telling you this for your own benefit. There are many people in this world, probably even here in this very park, that are single and alone. When you take a knee and start professing your love to another person, you are reminding those lonely people of their own failed relationships. Frankly, I think it's very rude of you two.

I can tell through your reaction that you think you own the world. You think everyone must fall to your whim. Well, guess what? This isn't the wild west, honey. We have laws in this country. Lewd behavior is not allowed in public places.

Oh, I'll tell you what's harassment. Having to talk to you instead of enjoying this bright sunny day. I've already noticed two different people walking their dogs without leashes and the longer I stand here talking to you, the longer they get to break the rules. So, don't act like you're the victim here.

Did you just call me the K-word? Wow. Nobody has any respect for others anymore, I see. You know, this whole thing would've been avoided if you had just apologized upfront and headed on your way.

Yeah, that's right, I'm blocking your way out. This is what happens when you piss me off. You're now gonna have to explain to the police why I'm redirecting their resources to kick a bunch of disrespectful love birds out of a public park.

If you take another step toward me I'm going to yell and stomp my feet as is my god-given right.

Welcome to the land of the free.

Go ahead and stick that finger out at me as long as you want. I'm being very civil towards you. Anyone else would've been far more aggressive, I can promise you that.

Hey, don't walk away from me!

You know what, I'll let this one slide even though I could've gotten you a pretty hefty fine. Take this as a warning. If I ever see you hijack a communal ground to ask for your lover's hand in marriage without written approval again, I'm going to make a citizen's arrest. Are we clear?

Alright, buh-bye, now.


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