Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
I’ll immediately learn invaluable and often extremely time sensitive information about your health. Will I tell you? Hahaha. No.
Was it like that at the hideout and in the getaway car coming here, and no one told him? Oof. No one must like this guy.
Sorry. This is awkward. We, uh, you know. On a raft? That was also a car? That you drove straight into the water?
Cherished by all, the 90-minute movie entertained audiences with a well-told tale that did not require one clear an entire day to watch it.
Step toward the exit and say, “I’m off to contemplate my own inadequacy in the sculpture garden. It’s performance art in motion.”
There’s a secret to eating well on a tight budget. That secret is to not do it.
Don’t you think it would just be easier to watch this than the actual movie? Trust me, these are the best parts, the rest is just extra.
Records indicate your lawn has not been maintained since 1194 BCE.
You can resume your nap shortly, sir, but right now, this crew needs your support.
10th-grade math teacher: Once a year, on your birthday, you drink a full pint of vodka, walk into your closet, and scream.
Thus my look is doing double duty tonight, I want it to look subtle, yet regicidal– REGAL. Regal is what I did mean.
If you are calling from inside a vehicle sinking into a body of water, press 9, and a transcript of your final words will be faxed to an address you provide.