The Curious Case of the Killer Climate

A researcher in Antarctica is discovered hanging from a noose in his home. The doors and windows are all open and the room is entirely empty except for a puddle of water under the body. The death is ruled a suicide. How can this be?

Answer: The man stood on a block of ice and let rising temperatures caused by the uninhibited success of the fossil fuel industry melt the block until he died.

The Haunting of the Historically Disinvested Home

Jack Smack rents a one-bedroom apartment in an up-and-coming neighborhood for the bargain price of $2,200 a month. At night he hears a ghostly moan coming from Apartment 4C. Determined to check it out, Jack walks towards the door of 4C but stops in his tracks when he’s overcome with a sudden chill. What haunting lies behind the door?

Answer: The ghost is just Cecilia Vélez, a resident who has lived in 4C for thirty years. The new landlord is making a fortune off of the building and is trying to force Cecilia out. Her heating was cut off and she’s been yelling for the super to fix her busted pipes.

From My Cold Dead Hands, with Love

A doctor and his son experience a mass shooting at the mall. The shooter is arrested, the son survives, and the doctor dies. The next day, the boy is injured at a second mass shooting that takes place at a church. After the boy is taken to the emergency room, the doctor says “I can’t operate on him. He’s my son.” How is this possible?

Answer: A powerful gun lobby that represents 6% of gun owners but donated to over 90% of Republican Congresspeople in 2018 does everything it can to block even the most tepid of gun regulations, allowing tragedies like these to occur on a daily basis.

(Regarding the second doctor: mothers can be doctors too! Or maybe it’s a gay couple and there're two dads. Check your biases, you jerk.)

Don’t Blame Me I Voted for… Murder!

A man is murdered on election day. Police question his girlfriend who lives a few blocks away and said she was at the polls when the murder occurred. She also said that she and her boyfriend agreed on everything and even voted the same way. Police arrest her on the spot. Why?

Answer: Republican gerrymandering has caused the couple to live in separate districts despite ostensibly living in the same neighborhood. Therefore, she couldn’t have voted for the same candidate.

The Data Divide of Death

Despite being political opposites, Mika and her Uncle Fritz both get their news from the same social media platform. One day, Uncle Fritz walks into a falafel restaurant with a gun believing the chickpea fritters to be a front for an underground labradoodle fighting ring funded by the John Podesta. “It was all over my news feed,” said Uncle Fritz. Mika, however, never saw anything about Frittergate on her news feed. How can this be?

Answer: Mika and Uncle Fritz online data was sold to an analytics company without their knowledge. This—in tandem with Russian efforts to undermine our democracy—inundated Uncle Fritz’s feed with targeted articles pushing doodle-related conspiracy theories. Meanwhile, Mika just overpays for Hello Fresh to send groceries to her house.

Dial 911 for Murder

19-year old Sarah is found dead after being arrested by the police. The police rule the death a suicide, saying she produced a gun and shot herself in the mouth. However, the police—who are unable to provide bodycam footage—also state that Sarah was handcuffed with her hands behind her back the whole time. How does this make sense?

Answer: It doesn’t… obviously.

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