I’m so lost.

I got into CrossFit less than a month ago, but it seems like I already told everyone in my circle about it. What the hell do I do now?

I’m worried I went too aggressive from the jump. I mean, the confirmation page for my online application to the gym hadn’t even loaded before I put out a group text to my closest friends telling them that I was a CrossFit guy now and that they should really look into it for their own personal wellbeing. I rebranded my entire Instagram page to hundreds of pictures and videos of my workouts after my second day at the gym and I got t-shirts that read “Eat, Sleep, Burpee, Repeat” in seven different colors for every day of the week.

But, as I’m saying all of that, I don’t see how that’s any different from the natural path every new CrossFitter takes. Maybe I didn’t start out so extreme after all?

Looking back, maybe I truly began exhausting my options when I spent that six grand spamming a Facebook ad that was just a picture of me, post-workout, sweaty and reflecting beneath an inspirational quote from Dr. King that I lightly edited to make more CrossFit-adjacent.

But honestly, that doesn’t sound overboard, either.

What drives me crazy is how the others in my CrossFit gym must have way more people to tell, because some of them have been working out there for close to a year.

When I changed my license plate to “XFtGyToo” because “XFtGy,” “XFtGy1,” and “XFtGuy2” were taken, it didn’t occur to me that I should have waited a little longer between also rescuing a pit bull and naming her Kettle Bell. If for no other reason than to put some space between letting everyone know what I’m into. To stretch it out.

Was that really the moment when I got too public with my interests? Truthfully? I don’t think so.

There was no way I could resist the urge to update the signature in my work email to read: “Junior Financial Analyst by day, CrossFitter by all day, every day. Seriously, if I could quit this fucking job and just do CrossFit I’d leave right this goddamn second. You guys are lucky that my gym is so expensive, otherwise, I’d already be gone and setting up my makeshift bed beneath the squat rack. Also, I’ll be out on PTO from 3/22-3/23. Thanks!”

My friends told me that hacking into the emergency alert system to broadcast that clip of my personal best box jump across every household within a six-county radius was a tad extreme. And you know what? I’m starting to think they were right. I could have just interrupted Jeopardy in one, maybe two, counties. I’m such an idiot.

I guess I’ll just call off that swarm of seven hundred drones carrying flash drives of my workout footage that I was going to dive-bomb Main Street with because it seems like the whole town has already seen it anyway.

I truly don’t know where to go from here because it feels like there’s not a single person in my life that doesn’t know I’m into CrossFit now.

But I damn sure know where I won’t be going from here… back to that stupid CrossFit gym.

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