Charlie Rose has been slated to host an interview show where the men brought down by #MeToo will discuss their lives after their fall from grace. It may seem in poor taste, but wait until you hear the other options before TV executives settled on this:
Escape Room with Matt Lauer
Matt Lauer locks you in a room and you have to solve various clues to escape. Matt can help you, for a price…Each week a contestant is in a different location with Lauer, including his office, a pandering interview at 6 am, listening to Al Roker tell a story, and other similar pits of despair. Critical response was mixed, from, “wait, did we ever actually like this guy?” to “it’s so early, why am I awake?”
Louis CK Sex-Ed
Watch as Louis CK takes you through various forms of self-care in front of a live studio audience, step by step. Bring a poncho because he sweats a lot! The show tested well with males aged 18-35-year-olds who still think they’re 20 but failed to crack the demographic of those who feel shame.
Kevin Spacey’s Midnight Story Hour
Kevin Spacey reenacts famous children’s stories. There’s a catch, though: if something creepy happens he has to distract the viewers with something completely irrelevant. The focus group was excited to watch but was immediately let down once they discovered it wasn’t actually the final season of House of Cards.
The Perfect Apology with Mario Batali
Mario breaks down how apologize for something while also touting your own skills. It’ll be like the apology was never the focus! Bobby Flay was slated to join as co-host, but has somehow evaded it. Audiences everywhere agreed “we really expected him to be a part of this.”
Andy Dicking Around
The plot of this one was unclear, but for whatever reason, it was considered funny by someone. Critics everywhere are saying “who?” and “oh, that guy.”
Chick and Shorty
Dan Harmon attempted to compensate for his inappropriate conduct by writing a spin-off of the popular Rick and Morty with female characters. Unfortunately, this was never seriously considered because TV executives didn’t think a show starring female protagonists would do well.
Russell Simmons’s Star Search
This reboot of Star Search won’t matter because Beyonce doesn’t make an appearance. This pitch was not turned down, but it was merely forgotten. It’s the first time Russell Simmons has ever been forgotten.
Frankly With Al Franken
It’s just Al Franken in a room, speaking frankly about the latest political news. We know we shouldn’t want this to exist, but we quietly do. While this was not picked up, there is a live version. Seating is limited since you have to watch from the trees outside his house.
Top 50 Allegations Hosted By Ryan Seacrest
Ryan Seacrest takes you through 2017/2018’s worst allegations, including his own. If you enjoy TV you’ll enjoy this, because, statistically, he’s on that show too! This one was not picked up because it was discovered Ryan Seacrest is already doing three other shows during that exact same timeslot.
The Weinstain Bears
Created by the one person in the world who is on Harvey Weinstein’s side. It’s a retelling of the Berenstain Bears, but with a character so utterly unlikable Archie Bunker would say “stifle yourself.” Weinstein still has a lot of pull in Hollywood so it’s slated to air on every major network. Women and plants alike are saying you literally, genuinely cannot miss this.