Long Shot is about Secretary of State Charlotte Field (Charlize Theron), who runs into Fred Flarsky (Seth Rogen), a journalist she babysat as a child and is now somehow attracted to, and hires him to work on her Presidential bid and fall in love with her. With this movie's success, we figured we better get to making more of these rom-coms with totally normal origin stories and believably paired actors! Here’s what you can expect soon in a theater near you:
Bank On It
While out at a nightclub, Allisyn, the first female CEO of Bank of America, bumps into a neck-bearded young barista and ends up going home with him. Too bad that barista happens to be Gary, her nephew’s best friend from skateboarding camp! But when Allisyn awakens in his bedroom filled with Reservoir Dogs posters and empty Gatorade bottles, she’s charmed. Impulsively, she hires him to be the Bank of America Executive Suite’s personal barista just to be near him and his Blink-182 ankle tattoo. Sparks fly! Starring Gal Gadot and Seth Rogen.
Black, White, and Ted All Over
When beautiful but uptight surgeon Lauryn realizes the patient she’s fastening a colostomy bag to is Ted, her family’s former paperboy, old feelings start to flood back. Desperate to keep him from walking out of her life, she hires him to come over every Sunday and read The Wall Street Journal aloud to her. He agrees, and, one morning when Doctor Lauryn helps Ted get his finger un-stuck from her built-in SodaStream using the crossword section, those sparks start flying! Starring Angelina Jolie and Seth Rogen.
Drilling for You
A high-powered Houston oil executive takes a tumble while visiting one of her legally-ambiguous coastal drilling sights. What a klutz! Luckily Megyn’s fall is broken by Zak, a local drifter and prolific YouTube commenter who makes protest art out of driftwood he finds on the gulf coast. He forgives her for falling on him when he realizes…she was the TA in that one business course he took 12 years ago?! To keep Zak around, she hires him to create politically-neutered-to-appeal-to-a-wide-audience driftwood art to distract beach-goers from the oil-laden ocean water. At some point, sparks fly! Starring Gigi Hadid and Seth Rogen.
Hung Juror
High-profile human rights attorney Grayce realizes she’s in trouble when she finds out the head juror’s son’s cousin Mac is also…her little sister’s weed dealer?! Feeling an attraction, Grayce hires him to be her paralegal, even though the only “job” he’s ever had is as an amateur poker player. In turn, Mac shows Grayce how to let loose with fat blunts, athleisure office attire, and sunglasses indoors to hide your bluff. With Mac around, Grayce realizes her whole “human rights” thing is as well-intentioned and exhausting as Alyssa Milano’s twitter feed. They toke up and sparks fly! Starring Bradley Cooper & Irina Shayk’s daughter in 18 years and Seth Rogen.
FUBAR
Three-star General Kyra is out for an ice cream when suddenly the cute-in-a-sad-way guy across the street starts choking on a popcorn kernel that came loose from his molars. After successfully saving Dale, he and Kyra share a romantic moment before realizing…she was his sex ed teacher in an after school program 20 years ago?! Still hoping to be near each other, Dale leaves his career as a pick-up artistry blogger and enlists in the army. With Dale in her ranks, Kyra stops worrying so much about that time they accidentally droned a petting zoo and starts getting lit! Sparks fly! Starring 1963’s Elizabeth Taylor and Seth Rogen.
The Dad-Body of Christ
When the first female pope is out shopping at a Vatican bookstore, she bumps directly into a man…in the erotica section! Yikes! She can’t believe how pleasing and easy their conversation is until she realizes…he’s Ronnie, the altar boy from her first priest gig! Unable to get him off her mind, Pope Kayte-Jyssica hires him to be her personal altar boy at the Vatican. With the help of Ronnie’s dad-bod energy, Pope Kayte-Jyssica discovers how to do wheelies in the popemobile, add edibles to communion wafers, and screw around with an altar boy like all the other popes did. You know those sparks are flying! Starring a sentient La Perla bodysuit and Seth Rogen.