Hey, Do You Have an ETA Yet?
If you were one character from Lord of the Rings, who would you be? I’d be Gandalf because, like he says, “a wizard is never late,” lol.
Tag: Lists
14 Cute Signature Wedding Cocktails That Say “I Give It a Year”
The May-Decemberita: Sherry with a sprinkle of Molly.
How to Tell If That Guy Who Desperately Needs a Kidney Like-Likes You
He asks you about yourself, things like, “Can you give me a kidney?” and, “So how’s about that kidney?”
Boomer Anthems Reimagined by Millennials
I Got You Babe (And By “You” I Mean Rude Comments on Your TikTok)
Secret Menu from the Long John Silver’s Next to an Apartment That Sells Adderall
The "Definitely Not Adderall" Meal ($54.99): A taco shell with six tablets of Adderall in it.
Comments from the Audiologist That Show You’re Massively Failing Your Hearing Exam
You are pressing the button so hard that the spring mechanism has failed. Please stop pressing someone else’s button.
The Assassination of Julius Caesar If It Were Reported in 2022 AD
The New York Times: Critics Say a Roman Civil War Is Coming—Others Disagree
Questions I Had While Attending My Second Basketball Game, After My First Basketball Game Was the One That Air Bud Played In
How many fouls does each player get? Do dogs get the same number of fouls? How much longer until the dogs come out?
Frequently Asked Questions About Our Fragile Democracy
What does democracy look like? This is what democracy looks like: it’s kind of pear-shaped.
Your School District’s Superintendent Introduces His Top Ten New Substitute Teachers
Our Tallest 2nd Grader: I mean, have you seen this kid? He can even spell “tyrannosaur.” Anyway, he’ll be teaching AP Bio.
Jay Gatsby Tweets About Bitcoin
@JayGatsby: If getting rich off #Bitcoin is bootlegging then lock me up, old sport.
Things I Would Say to My Crush If I Woke Up Back in High School
"I didn't really think this one through. I'm stuck here in this pre-Y2K past. I now have homework again and two presentations next week!"