- You are starting to think that weekly, pre-paid visits to the dental office are absolutely necessary.
- You quickly forgot about the time when your dentist ruined a perfectly good tooth forever because he thought a fruit fly that landed on the x-ray was a cavity.
- You feel the urge to wash your dentist’s car after each appointment.
- Root canals are now something you look forward to.
- You think your dentist does not charge enough.
- You have a tendency to keep your mouth wide open for hours every day for no apparent reason.
- You watch TV for the toothpaste commercials.
- You brush your teeth ten times a day.
- Flossing is your top priority.
- You find the sound of a drill soothing.
- You feel that your dentist’s work on a crown for your molar rivals Michelangelo’s finest sculptures.
- You think a dental bridge is an engineering marvel.
- Your recycling bin is full of empty antiseptic mouthwash plastic bottles every week.
- You have abandoned your work to serve as a caddy for your dentist, each time he is on the golf course (which is quite often).
- During appointments, you feel compelled to laugh at your dentist’s jokes, even though they are never funny and your mouth is full of cotton balls, blood, and anesthetic.
- You installed a hand-painted sign on your lawn advertising your dentist’s business.
- You believe going to the dentist is now a civic duty.
- You feel as if you are turning into a robot, have no free will, and are controlled remotely.
- Each time you reach for a soft drink, or even think of having dessert, you get a mild but unpleasant electrical shock of unknown origin.
- You think there should be more dentists in politics.
- You support the newly formed Dental Party.
- You find yourself mindlessly repeating the Party’s slogan, “If you have or had teeth, you must vote for us,” in shopping malls, parking lots, and at social gatherings.
- You now call your dentist “Supreme leader.”
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