• You are starting to think that weekly, pre-paid visits to the dental office are absolutely necessary.
  • You quickly forgot about the time when your dentist ruined a perfectly good tooth forever because he thought a fruit fly that landed on the x-ray was a cavity.
  • You feel the urge to wash your dentist’s car after each appointment.
  • Root canals are now something you look forward to.
  • You think your dentist does not charge enough.
  • You have a tendency to keep your mouth wide open for hours every day for no apparent reason.
  • You watch TV for the toothpaste commercials.
  • You brush your teeth ten times a day.
  • Flossing is your top priority.
  • You find the sound of a drill soothing.
  • You feel that your dentist’s work on a crown for your molar rivals Michelangelo’s finest sculptures.
  • You think a dental bridge is an engineering marvel.
  • Your recycling bin is full of empty antiseptic mouthwash plastic bottles every week.
  • You have abandoned your work to serve as a caddy for your dentist, each time he is on the golf course (which is quite often).
  • During appointments, you feel compelled to laugh at your dentist’s jokes, even though they are never funny and your mouth is full of cotton balls, blood, and anesthetic.
  • You installed a hand-painted sign on your lawn advertising your dentist’s business.
  • You believe going to the dentist is now a civic duty.
  • You feel as if you are turning into a robot, have no free will, and are controlled remotely.
  • Each time you reach for a soft drink, or even think of having dessert, you get a mild but unpleasant electrical shock of unknown origin.
  • You think there should be more dentists in politics.
  • You support the newly formed Dental Party.
  • You find yourself mindlessly repeating the Party’s slogan, “If you have or had teeth, you must vote for us,” in shopping malls, parking lots, and at social gatherings.
  • You now call your dentist “Supreme leader.”

Related

Resources