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In the wood shop, you live by two rules: “measure twice, cut once,” and “it’s just a spice rack, eyeball it.”
This morning, a chiseled man with a safari shirt and dimples deep as the Mariana Trench emerged from the jungle. “Come on in,” he beckoned.
But now, a poor approximation of Jean Marie that looks similar to a haunted Victorian child is disfiguring the thighs of her two living legacies.
On your left you’ll see our first exhibit titled “Coat Check.” Wait for just long enough to doubt whether it will really be worth it.
The office toilet backing up is probably not the best use of The Dark Knight's time.
And his use of my signature catchphrase, “Smell you forever because you stink that bad.” I knew I should have had that copyrighted.
It’s been 34 minutes since my last message, and you haven’t jumped on the chance to implement BRAINDRAIN to help your organization.
I no longer wish to ride an aging plow horse. And yet, when I ride to the horse dealer and request a sleek, red mustang, I am met with ridicule.
If spotted, DO NOT CHASE. Instead, acknowledge his beauty, respectfully. Obviously all dogs are beautiful, but he’s a stunner.
Instead of opening and deleting messages as he received them, User #119182 has kept every email he has received since creating his account in 2009.
Wired: Earwigs. Bugs, but heavy metal and down to party. With those pincers you know they’re into some dark shit.
I’m really excited to get to know you better! Where do you live? What are your hobbies? What are you eating right now?