1. “Stop your nonsense and drink your whiskey!”

2. “May you live every day of your life.”

3. “Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.”

4. “Just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it.”

5. “Success is not in never failing, but rising every time you fall!”

6. “We are never ever, ever, ever getting back together.”

7. “Hanson? Yeah, I’ve heard of them, I saw them perform and they have an interesting sound. I wish them every success.”

8. “My only regret is for the friends I leave behind me.”

9. “You need to calm down.”

10. “And she thinks I’m psycho 'cause I like to rhyme her name with things.”

11. “Words are the clothing of our thoughts.”

12. “These are the words I held back; as I was leaving too soon. I was enchanted to meet you.”

13. “It’s difficult to have any animosity towards someone if you recognize that on so many levels they’re exactly the same as you.”

14. “For more than half a century, during which kingdoms and empires have fallen, this Union has stood unshaken.”

15. “To get angry is like to revenge yourself for the guilt of others.”

16. “The last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind.”

17. “People don't want nice… people want consistency.”

18. “You gave me roses, and I left them there to die.”

19. “In the discharge of duties my guide will be the Constitution, which I this day swear to preserve, protect, and defend.”

20. “An education is a more surefire guarantee that you have possibilities opened to you.”

21. “I can't tell you how many shows I’ve done with full-blown migraine headaches.”

22. “Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats…”

23. “I am not a party candidate, and if elected cannot be President of a party, but the President of the whole people.”

24. “Every day is an opportunity to a make a new happy ending.”

25. “Got a long list of ex-lovers; They’ll tell you I’m insane.”

26. “In conclusion I congratulate you, my fellow-citizens, upon the high state of prosperity to which the goodness of Divine Providence has conducted our common country.”

27. “Books, the children of the brain.”

28. “What a sight, what a sight when the light came on; Proved me right, proved me right when you proved them wrong.”


Answers:

4, 12, 16, 18, 22, 28 — Taylor Swift

8, 14, 23 — Zachary Taylor

2, 3, 11, 15, 24, 27 — Jonathan Swift

5, 7, 13, 20, 21 — Jonathan Taylor-Thomas

1, 10, 19, 26 — Taylor Swift, Zachary Taylor (probably)

9, 25 — Taylor Swift, Zachary Taylor, Jonathan Swift, Jonathan Taylor-Thomas (probably)

17 — Garfield, Garfield Takes the Cake by Jim Davis

**ENROLLMENT EXTENDED THRU JAN 23** Interested in making comedy your career? Scott Dikkers, founding editor of The Onion and #1 NYT bestselling author, created Comedy Business School to teach you exactly how to do it through 5 learning modules.