1. Can sleep for long periods of time without eating, drinking, or urinating

2. Works hard but makes no money

3. Loves avocado and salmon breakfasts

4. Is single

5. Sleeps alone and diagonally

6. Obsessed with filtered water

7. Doesn’t like talking on the phone

8. Can’t find a job

9. Goes on many long, sad walks

10. Loves to sneak into parties with hot tubs

11. Got ghosted by Chad on a hike last summer

12. Can inhale a full meal within seconds

13. Parents don’t understand why they’re still childless

14. Some are attracted to other bears

15. Alternates between eating only meat and eating only plants

16. Life Mantra: Self-Care

17. Obsessed with bees

18. Wear shirts with no pants at home, while eating food straight from the jar

19. Sleep in dens, under logs, and in areas called “shallow depressions”

20. Has been asleep for two months now, but could go for as long as seven


Bear: 1, 3, 6, 9, 10, 12, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20
Millennial: All except 19, technically


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