I Am the Last Living Person on Facebook
I’m alone. There is no other person on Facebook. Every day, I open Facebook. I look for any sign of human life. There is none.
I’m alone. There is no other person on Facebook. Every day, I open Facebook. I look for any sign of human life. There is none.
You might think it’s strange how much time I spend on my own. You might even call it “sad” or “a little concerning.”
My sticker is hilarious because instead of a normie cartoon of my nonexistent wife and darling children, I’ve got two big guns.
My job sucks. Why did I think working at a bar next to a port on a western bay that serves a hundred ships a day would be a good idea?
Yeah, I’m the Leonardo Da frickin’ Vinci of avoiding meaningful human interactions.
A common bedroom reno tip is to take a fancy trash can—like that gaudy, twisting, fuchsia disaster that Rachel bought—and flip it upside-down.
It has seen someone naked within the past year. / It does not feel like it missed out on buying Bitcoin at a decent price.
Take a moment to become aware of the sounds around you. Tune out your next-door neighbors who won’t stop having elaborate sex.
1 cup unbleached sadness / ½ cup confidence, ground down until it becomes an unrecognizable powder / 2 heaping handfuls unrealized goals, crushed
Sure, I was just a young kid back then, but I don’t really see what else has changed. Is Perfect Dark not badass anymore? Because no one told me.
“Chris,” I said, as a family of five wiped their shoes on his face. “What’re you doing here?” “Muhughuh,” he said, spitting out a piece of dogshit.
I acknowledge that I can change my sweatpants if I want to or I can wear the same ones every day forever and only I have the power to choose.