I’m just a Pumpkin Spice Latte, standing in front of a customer, asking them to love me for more than 55 days a year...
“I don’t want to come off as needy so I’ve been sitting on this text for precisely 72 hours since our last hang.”
They don’t know how to tame the most popular coaster in Central Jersey. You do.
I hope that you will find comfort that while you are headed to the great serving bowl in the sky, your work on Earth will not be forgotten.
Any path, regardless of magic type, has one result?---social isolation and perverse obsession with colorful vests.
It would really mean a lot if I could come in and see where she … ended up. Sorry, looks like I’m interrupting book club.
Your open mic is in the gap between worlds, accessible only to the chosen, the mad, and people you like. So, it’s kind of a booked open mic.
Uber: For Speed Dating - Sit up front because "you get carsick." Ask the driver if they have any siblings. If they ask you back, you’re in.
Phone Addiction: In the pocket where ye usually keep your phone, keep instead a hairy, spindle-shanked, venomous spider. Incur bites until cured.
I forgot my Fire, but I found a packet of Mild sauce at the bottom of my purse. Is that enough? Will that get me to the place I need to reach?
Lois has been distant ever since we found out my sperm could kill her. She keeps making snide comments about how Batman wouldn't have this problem.
"Nine Game of Thrones Cast Members Who Traced Their STDs Back to Kit Harrington - Never ride bareback in the North."