Our love blossomed with the speed of a carefully edited, 30-second commercial for prescription diarrhea medicine.
HELLOOOOO! Hope you brought the peanut butter, because that my friend was a mouthwatering jam!
I am a robot whose contribution to popular culture burned bright but was brief. No one cares about Mars Rover anymore, because it's not 2003.
I propped cushions and draped a blanket to be safe from the hospitable elements--the laughter, the bonding, the strengthening over some foolish game.
I never look to see if the bus or train is coming. I never push the button more than once on elevators or at crosswalks.
Step 21: Start by googling quotes about running, a weird number of which are from the Japanese novelist Haruki Murakami.
I hadn’t worked a case in a month and was hitting the sauce hard. It’s a gloopy brown sauce from a can of beef chunks--part of yesterday’s breakfast.
BARBER: It is customary to tip your barber $15 for each person who complimented your haircut and then immediately had sex with you.
“Why does it have breasts?” Uh, women have breasts, okay? i-Rene is obviously female, duh! I mean we named her i-Rene.
“Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey: "Just a small town girl living in a lonely world/She’ll drive your Uber from here to anywhere"
Talk to the hand! The Zima is chilling on ice, Matchbox Twenty is in the CD player, and Trevor’s all sexy up in here with his puka shell necklace on.
I’ve Finally Made Sense of That One Article That Explains How to Be a Good Member of Society and Haven’t Seen Another Human in Six Days
“I’d suggest you go read the piece to understand the way you’re being pretty irresponsible about Current Social Issue.” My boss was ashamed.