Funny Away Messages >> Random Funny

My pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard. And they're like, “You wanna trade cards?” Damn right, I wanna trade cards. I'll trade this, but not my charizard.

Student Caught Reading Away Message, Feels Stupid

ONLINE – Around %d an anonymous student, identified by the online persona %n, is reported to have checked an away message, and then felt really dumb.

Apparently seeking an end to boredom or perhaps indulgence of information on a secret crush, the student acted rather nosily and could not help prying. “I just feel so lame now,” the perp admits.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I am a weigh.

Just say I don't know to drugs.

Sex is like poker: If you don't have a partner you better have a really strong hand.

I went that away ——->

Collecting myself…'cause I crack me up!

Working out. If I don't come back, then whoever told me, “A little exercise won't kill you,” lied.

Guns don't kill people, away messages with guns kill people.

If you are tired of seeing this away message you have AIM OCD.

Yeeeeah…about thaat…I'm gonna need you to IM me again but this time could you remember to put the cover sheet on your AIM report before you hit enter…. Yeeeah…thanks a bunch %n.

Don't you hate it when people leave away messages and don't say where they're going or
when they'll be black? I mean, if you're gonna change races, at least let me know.

To be completely honest, I'm masturbating. Please don't IM me when I get back, it's sort of awkward talking to you again so soon.

I am an alien from a faraway galaxy. I have transformed myself into this away message. As you are reading this, I am having sex with your eyeballs. I know you like it because you're smiling.

Just tell Nemo you couldn't find him 'cause you were out getting stoned.
He'll understand.
Your anti-drug.

Arguing on the Internet is like running in the Special Olympics: Even if you win you're still retarded.

What the away gon' be?
See I don't need no fuckin' away on this PC.
All I need is some white in the background, my text color bold,
Keep the font goin 'round and I'ma leave it.

Why is it that when a girl has sex with 100 people she's a slut, but if a guy has sex with 100 people he's a pimp?
Because she is.

Be Arby: the perfect away message for someone who has left his computer in order to become the owner of his own nationwide roast beef sandwich syndicate, but is still planning on returning to his computer momentarily somehow.

You've just downloaded a virus! I mean, right BEFORE you checked my away message…

Making an offering to the porcelain god. I guess Jesus was probably white after all.

Somebody told me to change my away message so I did.

You missed me, next time AIM better.

Living vicariously through myself. Leave a message.

This space for rent.

Please excuse %n from all strenuous activities related to AOL INSTANT MESSENGER today, %d. He has an ear infection.
(Forged signature)
AOL Parental Control

Repetition is a sign of stupidity! Repetition is a sign of stupidity! Repetition is a sign of stupidity! Repetition is a sign of stupidity! Repetition is a….what was I saying, again?

Hey whatsup? I'm out drinking beer and getting stoned. (Oh hey Mom, don't worry I let my roommate borrow my screenname today.)

We’re sorry, the away message you’ve reached is no longer in service. It seems AOL has extended the reliability of its software to include connection to Instant Messenger. Please reboot and IM again. Thank you.

Let's discuss right and left. You're right, I left.

Hello, you have reached %n's away message. Your message will be answered in the order in which it was received. Your message is number 1,645,845. Please hold, your message IS very important to me.

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other, and when I am alone I am together.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, they both had a quarter. Jill came down with fifty cents. Think they went for water?

This is %n. I am not….excuse me a moment, please.
‘Put your sister down. PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN!' [Window breaks] Great! What a mess. I'll have to get back to you later, I really hate babysitting.

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