Of course, I have a secret admirer. If you don’t have a secret admirer in 7th grade on V-Day of all days, like who are you, and what are you doing with your life? To be honest, my secret admirer is not so secret. He revealed his identity—it’s Dylan. Sure, he may put on this tough guy act, but Dylan is a poet. He disclosed all his feelings in my valentine, and let’s just say, it got emotional. His tears were engraved on the card.

Oh my gosh, I wish you had been here three minutes ago. The card was shaped like a clarinet with tiny hearts all around because he said, when I play my solo, the music fills the missing pieces of his heart. It was so lovely, but unfortunately, I can’t show you it because there was a fire at my desk.

Wait, what? He said that? Okay. Well, to tell you the truth, Dylan likes to play hard to get. In fact, he’s exactly like Shane West in A Walk to Remember before he falls for Mandy—and I know because I didn’t just watch the movie. I know Shane. I’m not supposed to tell anyone because the filming is all under wraps right now, but Shane and I know each other on a level like none other. We play love interests.

When is it coming out? Uh-doy, that’s a mom question. I don’t pay attention to that stuff. I do it for the art, not the publicity. After the Christmas concert, this director came up to my parents and gushed, “In all my years of directing, I’ve never seen a clarinet player like that. I must have your daughter in my next film.” So, to stop her constant begging, I was like “whatevs.” You know, Hilary Duff was discovered in a school gymnasium too, but unlike me, she wasn’t also offered a lifetime supply of clarinet reeds.

As if I care. I’m the one who saw the card with my own eyes so there is no possible way I could be making it up like he allegedly says. It’s obvious Dylan is obsessed with me, but lacks the emotional maturity to admit his romantic feelings publicly. If he wants to come over here and lie about his infatuation with me, be my guest.

Oh shoot, I think that’s my mom over there. Guess Dylan will just have to wait. But it would be best if you didn’t mention my movie to her. Don’t get me wrong, she’s super happy for my success, but it was always her dream to be a famous clarinet performer so it’s best not to rub it in her face.

Oh hey, Dylan! So glad we could finally have this convo in front of all our classmates. That’s so weird you say you called my name in math class because I didn’t hear anything. But, you know, a lot of boys call me. That’s why my mom got me my own landline—and it’s only going to get busier when my movie comes out. You’ve probably heard. The rumors are true, but if you do ever need me, I might be able to move my schedule around.

Look, I know the real reason you’re upset is because your heartfelt valentine was cremated by a desk fire today. But desk fires are a part of life. You can’t take it out on others, especially your valentine… There is something I should tell you. It’s a truth bomb. Even if your valentine wasn’t disintegrated into ashes by a plausible fire incident, I can’t accept your love because I already have a boyfriend.

No. He doesn’t go to this school. He’s way more mature. He’s in high school. Your brother wouldn’t know him, though, because he’s a French exchange student living in Toronto. We only see each other on weekends, and he was going to visit me for Valentine’s Day, but his work called. He loves me so much he was this close to quitting on my behalf, but I wouldn’t let him. His job is too important.

Well, I can’t say what he does because I was sworn to secrecy, but let’s just say the world would be lost without him, and he would be lost without me—and before you even ask, I know what you’re thinking and it’s an obvious yes. We’ve kissed. Like a lot. My lips don’t just serve me well with the clarinet.