- Let’s form our own special select committee - Please be my Majority Whip - We should move forward with a discharge petition
Tag: Valentine’s Day
Visit The Zoo: The animal kingdom accepts open displays of weeping.
I suppose oysters are a noted aphrodisiac, but even those could never overpower the terrifying sight of your lover’s haircut.
Sweetest Day is better and not until October 16th, so I'm actually way early in already talking about it.
Or how about that day in April when I forget to wash the Cheetos bag? I fell into a fetal position, and I knew you were my soul mate.
When he says "I love you," do not say "I love free chocolate." Instead, try using the word “you.”
In light of the truly inseparable nature of relationships during this pandemic, I’m introducing Cupid’s Booster Arrows.
The card was so lovely, but unfortunately, I can’t show you it because there was a fire at my desk.
You realize you are alone and so is your spirit, crushing you with the existential terror that you are irreparably flawed at the cellular level.
Treat your Valentine to a fancy restaurant just the way it likes: put off making a reservation as long as possible so all restaurants are booked!
Marcus makes you miserable playing ultimate frisbee inside and then using his Frisbee as a plate, but are you willing to give up the incredible gifts.
With the smell of Elmer's glue and viscosity of frozen molasses, Ghost Lube by Karl Lagerfeld is a must-have at a mere $4,500 per bottle.