Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Florida resident Kevin Nick reported receipt of a package with a cryptic note reading, “Let me show you the shape of my heart.”
Multiple trips? No way. I’m not leaving anything to take in “next.” There is no “next.” There is only “bringing everything inside at once."
Oh. You're hung up on the "no pants" thing. Uh, look, time travel is an imprecise science.
I don’t appreciate your judgment. You hurt me deeper than any wound my son has inflicted with his sharp claws.
Did you know that exactly 12.5% of the characters are frowning? Or that 20.8% have rosy cheeks? I did.
I’m sorry you have broader personal or political issues you haven’t resolved, but those have nothing to do with the ways I’ve been killing you guys.
Sorry, say that again? Your boys were doing what? They were “hopping” on you?
Kit is just as ready to play as she is to teach your little one about life during the Great Depression!
Our previous policy of zero in-office hawk attacks has been slightly adjusted to a new policy of many hawk attacks.
A boring dentist might have lame-shit flavors like “mint,” but I offer X-treme fluoride sponsored by Mountain Dew.
Visit The Zoo: The animal kingdom accepts open displays of weeping.
So a few quick tidbits about where things are. From here your room is left, left, right, right, left, right, left, right.