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In the hours leading up to the heist, the vault-code-deciphering guy walked around complaining about the high pollen count.
We give single people a chance to fall in love by making sure they are distracted by a bunch of petty in-fighting and random side-eye.
I swear to you by all that is holy and true I will defend your 2015 MacBook and Moleskine notebook with every fiber of my being.
It is beyond comprehension to many of us at Spaz headquarters that our new eighty-foot-tall action figure could be the cause of such an accident.
Darkness provides ambiance. Your food will look mysterious. Changing burned-out lightbulbs is a chore we just don’t want to do.
Some write to live out a fantasy that they were never granted: revenge on Frankie Wick, who pantsed them in Ms. Dakota’s class in the 9th grade.
On Wednesday he ate through his employee's 401ks, but he was still hungry.
I still have all 327 of your fan letters from 1997--kick-ass Lisa Frank stationary, by the way--and I’m sorry it’s taken so long to respond.
This room also differs from other rooms in the home in that it features multiple bronze Paul Reiser statues bolted directly to the floor.
Better to be in a state of terrified anxiety that your autopilot could end your life at any moment.
Okay, first of all: do you know Lisa Rinna? And is she nearby? Ideally I’d be talking to her. We Enlightened Ones worship her as a god.
I’m a notorious 1850s Vaudeville impresario known as “The Dean of Mean.” My top rule for performers is “don’t be a snooze.”