Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Time off task (12 minutes): Nerve sensors detected hunger prior to your lunch break. Hunger is personal time.
Now sharks will watch humans eat and breed in real-time. I could easily watch a whole week of this in slickly packaged, one-hour chunks.
Does he keep dropping hints about a dark backstory? Everyone knows that the hottest men are deeply traumatized by their pasts.
Immediately reschedule the client-by-client reviews; I like him so much I’m gonna throw up.
How did you hear about Life? - Was never informed about Life, just thrust into it with no agency or choice. - Instagram.
Covering every inch of skin our body in Flamin' Hot® Cheeto dust, or wearing big red bows and humming like a Chrysler on a snowy road.
We cast Keri Russell as your girlfriend, a fact that you didn't notice as you "haven’t had a TV since they stopped carrying The Weather Channel."
I will not condemn this man to death until this jury promises to come see my band this weekend.
As a child, I looked up at those billboards and marveled at their power. Could you just choose a nickname?
You’re very welcome to watch a movie, but little Olivia has chewed the arrow buttons off the remote so it will have to be the Paw Patrol movie.
Maybe he needs to hear it very badly for whatever marriage-related problems he’s going through. If I had to guess, of course.
And God said, “Let there be great music so none of them talk to each other,” and there was a DJ who worked in finance but DJed on the side.