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Dear Katie, I'm writing to tell you to get tested. It seems I've caught something, and not in a fun way, like that time we went fishing at your parent's lake house.
One question people regularly ask me is, "What drugs are you on, and where can I get some?" Here are some sweeping generalizations to help get you high ASAP.
In an attempt to shield you from pedophiles, AIDS, and sun rays, your parents deprived you of the opportunity to experience rejection, exhaustion, and bullies.
If not for the massage therapy, Barry Bowler would have been exceptionally down. Doobie's Hair Salon and Massage Parlor was hardly moral, but definitely enjoyable.
The good news is, most of what you learn in school will not help you in life. No matter how thrilling you may find academics, it simply won't help you in the long run.
Sure, most people find birds chirping and rain falling to be relaxing, but what about the whackos who prefer more unusual background sounds like Jenga blocks falling?
What, you don't believe in clairvoyants? Well, neither did I. But with this degree of authenticity from DelphiUniversity.com, I assure you my intuition is real.
Prince George wakes up very early on the morning of his first birthday. Unlike other royal babies, he is not shy about his desire to rule, and this time he has a plan.
The boy was always "fucking wasted," "fucking shit-faced," or just plain "fucking drunk." And he needed favors from his friends one too many fucking times.
I hate fishing with Jesus. Well, I abhor fishing anyway, but you'd imagine fishing with JESUS would be a good time. Not so, but I'm here filming it anyway.
From wedding rehearsals, to cookouts, to sporting events, you've clothed my legs creaseless and made me appear super-intelligent. But now your time is over.
When there is a distinct possibility that you are going to have your ass licked later in the day, you become a lot more conscience of what you eat.