Dear Katie,
Hey, how's it going? Been a while hasn't it? What, like a month today? Feels more like a year. But I don't want to drag on, so I'll just get right to the point.
I'm contacting you (along with all my other real, numerous exes) to tell you to get tested. It seems I've caught something, and not in a fun way, like that time we went fishing at your parent's lake house. You remember the lake house? That weekend was probably the best one I've ever had. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, the lake house. You want to go back soon? Just as friends of course, but wouldn't it be fun?
And this isn't to say that I think you gave this too me, but if you think it was you, it'd be great if you could tell me. It would really save me from having to write all these other letters (I'm not sure when underwear models receive their mail). Plus this would just end up being another addition to the GIANT list of things we have in common, like Thai food or The Arctic Monkeys (who I have an extra ticket to see, if you'd maybe want to go. The tickets are nonrefundable, but no pressure).
Also, I wouldn't be mad if it was you, so don't worry. You probably just accidentally picked it up from that guy Brad you were dating last year, who I'm glad to hear you're back together with. Is he still working at that car dealership? The one on Main Street, from 9:30am to 3pm? I ask because I'm thinking about buying a new car, and was wondering if Brad could help me out, seeing as we were best friends. (But you should make sure to get Brad tested, just to be safe.)
Now, I don't want you to get sad reading this letter, thinking that I'm not doing well. I'm doing great! Sure, things were weird after you left, but I bought a cat, and now things couldn't be better! Her name is Katie (pronounced “caty”) and I think you'd love her.
Oh, and did I mention I'm getting a new car? Yeah, decided to upgrade, which isn't to say I won't miss the old one, or that there was ever anything wrong with the old one, or that the old one wasn't perfect in everyway. It was just time for a change. Sure will miss that old thing, but my doctor said that it's best to get rid of it.
This not being the same doctor who told me to write this. I took your great advice and starting seeing that doctor you told me about. You remember, the one you recommended as you left? Anyway, he's great and says the car is some sort of “trigger,” and it's best if I just got rid of it. My other doctor also recommended I get rid of it, but he said it was more about the mold growing out of the air conditioner than how it reminds me of you.
But back to this whole testing thing, which you should take seriously, even with your amazing sense of humor. My doctor says it's not that big of a deal (he even said it's just something called a “cold sore”), but I know you like to be perfect, so I just thought you should know. If you have any questions, we could go get coffee and talk it over. Maybe we can try that new Thai place? Brad can come, but I think it'd be best if it were just us two. Just like old times, am I right?
Love forever,
Paul