While you're sipping the sugary egg nectar known as "nog," take a moment to look down below your torso. What type of textile is trimming your thighs? Thought so.
Your cat views you as its food whore and excretion technician during the day. At night, your cat sits in the dark like an egg-laying hen, fantasizing your end days.
Can you hear my grunts? Can you feel how slippery my body has become? The truth is, this is more than sex to me. I just want to flop around on you for a while.
It's Monday, and I've created a game where you put some humility into hyperbole and tell people how Mondays really make you feel.
Walmart has better prices and Kohl's has better selection, but Target has way hotter moms. And it might be part of a flawless marketing strategy to attract men.
For years the modern man has been fascinated by the dolphin's purported ability to have sex for pleasure. But to get a dolphin in the mood, it needs proper foreplay.
Tony Dungy wants to take over the world for religious purposes; Peyton Manning wants to take over the world for world domination purposes.
The combination of instant gratification and illusion of power is what makes Fantasy Football the cyber-Viagra that it is. You are the coach, the GM, and the cheerleader.
From wedding rehearsals, to cookouts, to sporting events, you've clothed my legs creaseless and made me appear super-intelligent. But now your time is over.
#3: Thou Shalt Disguise Narcissism with Humility. This means learning to effectively implement the "humble brag." If you can't do that, just boast instead, whatever.
BuzzFeed use the beaten-horse style of nostalgic prose so predictably and effectively, that we've already written an excerpt of what you'll see in 2034.
I was curious to see what the rare, softer side of Bruce Willis is like, so I forfeited my masculinity and endured some shitty, yet wholesome cinema to find out.